"It’s going to be OK.”
“He is in a better place.”
“He lived a good life.”
“He was such a good person. God wanted to be with him.”
“I know how you feel.”
“It was his time to be with God.”
“Be strong.”
“Remember the good times you had.”
Anyone who has ever experienced any sort of loss — a mother, father, brother, sister, best friend, family member — has heard these lines in any given format, but at an expense for those who are speaking it to be comfortable. In no way these are meant to make those mourning and grieving to feel even more terrible than they do, but they are by far some of the worst lines you could possibly to someone.
This is how one possibly truly feels about those lines:
“It’s not going to be OK. My better half is gone.”
“He is not in a better place because the better place is here on Earth with everyone who loves him. He should be here.”
“He may have lived a good life, and even a great life, but it is just more to that. He had such a wonderful and amazing life ahead of him still. His life was cut too short and it sucks.”
“He should still be living. God could have taken him later when we were all old still racing down the hill on our longboards.”
“I’m sorry, but unless you know how it feels to lose your heart, then you don’t know how I feel.”
“It was not his time to be with God. It was his time to be here with us; living.”
“Be strong? Do you know how it feels like to be living on the outside and dead on the inside?”
“We should be having more time.”
These are definitely the most extreme ways to express how you feel, but it is OK to feel this way when you lose someone that you still are finding your way to move forward. It is OK to feel like your world has ended. It is OK to feel like life isn’t fair. It is OK to be sad. It is OK to mourn. Anyone feeling like this, deserves that time.
Flowing Forward
My very near and dear friend, Zatha, and her family, are going through life without their better half: her brother Hans. To have endured the type of pain that inflicts on them is irrevocable. It is the worst feeling imaginable for us, yet they are going through it every day. Each day is a constant battle of fighting back tears around the masses, constant actions bringing back memories of Hans, and the small moments of time where each emotion — anger, frustration, loneliness, sadness, listlessness — happens to prevail over positive vibes.
It has been two years, three months, sixteen days, countless hours, never-ending minutes, infinite seconds and never-creating-more memories since Hans has passed away. He has left us with less goofiness, less laughter, less smiles — he sure lit up the room with his smile — less “swarming of activity," less rule breaking, less Pistol Butt, less Hurricane Hans. On March 29, 2014, Hans passed away following one of his many passions of longboarding followed by a devastating brain injury.
His family and many others recall him as a “kite-surfer, surfer, rock climber, snowboarder, mountain biker, mountaineer, ice climber, longboarder, skimboarder, slackliner, paddleboarder, drummer, unicyclist, triathlete, cross country runner, offroader, marksman,” and above all: a badass.
One important lesson that Hans has taught us all is to take risks, be adventurous, break the rules without jeopardizing your moral compass and to make most of it moving forward. Due to his inspiration and the heartwarming welcome of his family, many family, friends and strangers have challenged themselves to do things they never thought they could possibly do — from climbing Mt. Washington, making it to the South Pole, learning how to surf, skydive, cliff diving, learning how to fly a plane, getting tattoos and even longboarding.
Each day provides a moment of flowing memory of Hans to us all. But we know because of his character, his personality, his moral compass, he would want us to keep moving forward.
His mom describes that “Hans would say, 'you know, I want you to be sad that I’m dead. Who wouldn’t want to be sad that Hans is dead? I’m sad,’" but he’d say, "Enough. That’s enough and now you got to go off and surf that wave, drive that jeep through that mud puddle, have a little more fun.”
Flow with kindness. Flow with love. Flow with nothing.
#BeABadassLikeHans #ShineLikeHans #OnAWarriorsPath
To Learn More About Hans and the Loewen Family, please visit www.hansloewen.com
Also, watch “What’s In Your Dash?” from Light Cannon Films at https://vimeo.com/123530698
