It’s been three years since Zayn left One Direction, two years since they announced their hiatus, and one since the “Which 1D Member Are You?” quiz to end all “Which 1D Member Are You?” quizzes was released right here on the Odyssey Online (oh, and a soft two months since any reunion was "made obsolete").
Nevertheless, One Direction still prevails as the best thing the United Kingdom has given Americans since the land we live on (Beatles fans can fight me later), and we as pop culture consumers remain enthralled with at least Harry Styles’ life.
Now, after a year and a half of making an aggressive number of jokes about writing another One Direction quiz, I've gone and done it; you’re welcome everyone.
I’m not saying I’m not biased and I’m not promising anyone will like the results they get. All I’m saying is the last One Direction quiz I wrote was arguably the greatest thing I’ve ever created in both my academic and personal writing career and I owe it to myself and absolutely no one else to make another one. Enjoy!
1. Which obscure B-side remix on One Direction’s Spotify profile do you jam out to the most? Please be honest; I know they’re all rough.
a.) "Night Changes" - Afterhrs Remix
b.) "You & I" - Big Payno Remix
c.) "Perfect" - Matoma Remix, but only the first 18 seconds
d.) None of them really match my style
e.) All of the above! Wow, I love One Direction!!
2. If you could give Harry Styles a blast from the past haircut, which one would you give him?
a.) Before he hit puberty when he looked like an unpossessed Chucky Doll
b.) When he had long hair and looked like a gremlin from underneath London Bridge
c.) The Larry Mop™️
d.) Suave-ass 2017 post-Dunkirk pre-tour #baegoals Harry
e.) Just the way he is he’s perfect
3. What is your stance on Liam and Louis starting a playgroup for their children?
a.) Who are Liam and Louis again?
b.) I’ve been saying this for MONTHS!
c.) Who’s Liam again?
d.) Not my baby, not my problem!
e.) I’ve actually been looking to make some more money. Are they looking for a babysitter?
4. Who is your favorite music video guest star?
a.) James Cameron
b.) James Cameron
c.) James Cameron
d.) Danny DeVito
e.) Simon Cowell because we really owe him everything
5. Which aggressively and unsubtly sexual lyric best reflects your current love life?
a.) “If tomorrow you won't be mine/ Won't you give it to me one last time/ Oh, baby let me love you goodbye”
b.) “I want you to rock me, mmm, rock me, mmm, rock me yeah”
c.) “Waking up/ Beside you I’m my loaded gun/ I can't contain this anymore”
d.) “Who’s that shadow holding me hostage?/ I’ve been here for days/ Who’s this whisper telling me that I’m never gonna get away?”
e.) “I said, ‘Can you give it back to me?’/ She said, ‘Never in your wildest dreams’”
6. Which One Direction fanfiction do you connect with on a spiritual level?
a.) I would never touch that trash.
c.) Straight up anything Larry Stylinson
7. If you could have one well-paid skill, what would it be?
a.) To be a successful stockbroker so I could wear a suit while I made aggressive amounts of money.
b.) To teach so I could become a well-revered university professor.
c.) To sing.
d.) To dance so I would be a triple hyphen and the next Justin Timberlake.
e.) To be a good friend (and be paid well in love)!!!
8. Let’s get real: what’s your favorite One Direction album?
a.) Probably “Four”
c.) “Perfect- EP”
e.) Is it too obvious who e.) is if I say “all of them”?
9. How does this image make you feel?
a.) It was the right call.
b.) Zen Molek is a fake little bitch
c.) Why is Harry listed above Louis?
d.) No comment.
e.) Wow, look at how successful One Direction was!
10. Where do you see yourself in 10 years now that One Direction has formally “folded its touring company, making any chances of a reunion obsolete?”
a.) Still the CEO of your own recording label.
b.) Change of plans: screw the family life. I'm rebranding, super urban super trendy, and I'll write other people's songs. Like a reverse Bruno Mars... yes... that sounds like a stable plan...
c.) Honestly? Jail isn’t not an option.
d.) Becoming an EGOT winner after my first Broadway performance as a cat in Cats
e.) Doing my best.
If You Got Mostly A's:
You're incapable of holding a relationship that outlasts public interest!
If You Got Mostly B's:
You constantly look like one of Count Olaf's disguises on Netflix's A Series of Unfortunate Events!
If You Got Mostly C's:
If You Got Mostly D's:
If You Got Mostly E's:
... Did you get a haircut? I'm so sorry, I literally didn't recognize you!! Wow, you look so different since I last saw you... You look really good. So like, what have you been up to lately? Are you seeing anyone?