" Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."
Leadership is a quality a lot of people have, think they have, or wish they had. It is hard work, and a lot of dedication when you take is seriously. I loved being in a leadership position, and I still love it when I have the opportunity. I have made plenty of mistakes, and I have definitely failed countless times. But I never gave up on this particular leadership position. It still holds my most fond memories, and provides me with something I love to tell others about.
I was responsible for the knowledge of people below me, whether or not they were older. I was responsible for the way they preformed, whether that was a good or a bad thing. I had the great pleasure of getting to know them, and spending everyday with them.
Although I have the greatest memories, and the best experiences with leadership I will ever receive, I have had to be a leader when I most definitely did not want to.
Two years ago one of those young people I had the opportunity to meet and was blessed enough to have hilarious and cherished memories with, lost his life in a car accident.
That next day, when I was expected to show up to high school and be a leader for up to 50 people in a tight-knit program, I did not want to. I wanted to stay home and grieve. I wanted to break down, I wanted to scream, and I wanted to hug my family close all day. But I knew as a leader that I had to be there. I had to walk those quiet halls and I had to find a way to hold it together when I wanted nothing but to fall apart.
Leadership is most rewarding, and the most heart wrenching thing I have ever had to do. Even when my own heart was broken, I had to help mend others.
There were people who depended on me to show strength even despite such a sad time in life. When you lose someone so young, someone you did not have even guess would not be there the next day, it hurts. You don't imagine life without people, you just expect them to live endlessly, but they don't.
When you're a leader you must learn to grieve but to also be a supporter for those around you at the same time. I learned so much more about being a leader when I woke up that day and dreaded being one. Because that is the moment when you realize that leadership is more about life, love, and memories; and a lot less about positions and power. That is when true leadership kicks in.
I seen this kids' heart everyday in the way he put maximum effort into everything he did. I seen the way the grew from his start in the program, to his short end. He made such a huge impact on not only my life, but everyone he encountered. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to be one of his leaders.
Rest In Peace Rondall Evan Layne Fraley Feb. 17 1999-Aug. 13 2014
