As a modern-day college student, the struggle of figuring out my place in life is all too familiar. Even though I’m 18 years old, it feels like I’m just starting to scratch the surface of who this person I’ve formed into actually is. Now, I get it, you probably think this is just another cry from a Gen-Z about their coming of age story. I’m not complaining that this is a confusing time. I appreciate the complexity of the process of becoming mature. The frustration I have lies with the enigma that is normality.

What does it mean to be normal? Everyone deep down yearns to be normal, but do we even know what that means?

Usually, being normal correlates to fitting in. Humans aren’t meant to be lone wolves, we’re herd animals. When Homo sapiens first evolved, fitting in wasn’t a choice, it was a necessity. In order to survive, early humans had to be part of a tribe. Everyone had their role in furthering the betterment of the group — there were the hunters and the gatherers, the providers and the care-takers. There was no individual thought, there was only a group mentality. Then, being normal was the only way to ensure you could continue being a part of the group. The only focus was on survival; there was no time (or need) for individual identity.

Now, life is paradise compared to back then. We have time for creativity; we can have our own identity and be an individual rather than another face of the same being. It should be easy, right? Being your own person? I mean, we don’t need to conform to survive; we’re capable of making it on our own if we want! So, why do we have this obsession with fitting in? Is it a trait that is etched in our genes from generations of humans trying so hard to be like all of the others, so they wouldn’t get left behind? Or is it a learned trait, pounded into our heads by society from a young and impressionable age?

Whatever the cause for our obsession with normality, I believe this need is one of the major roadblocks in coming of age. The realization that we can be individuals and don’t actually need to conform is so foreign that it puts a halt to the process completely. You can stand out from the crowd because it’s what’s natural for you, and it doesn’t have to be because you want to make a statement. You don’t have to be bold and draw attention to yourself to be an individual; it can be effortless and ordinary. The important part of this is that it can be normal to be abnormal. Not being average is perfectly fine! I suppose people had said this to me before, but I took it in the be-better-and-perform-above-average type of way, rather than the just-be-who-you-are type of way.

So, if it’s actually acceptable to be your own person, what does it mean to be normal? Well, in reality, normality is a facade. With the myriad of different types of human life, there’s no possible way that someone could set one standard way of living that everyone should be held accountable for; it’s impossible. My normal is different than your version of normal, which is incomparable to Pete’s normal, which may not even be on the same playing field as Wednesday’s normal.

After figuring out that normal didn’t mean what I thought it did, it was like I was seeing the world again for the first time. I was finally free from the chains holding me back, and I could finally fully enjoy my life. I can go and do the things that make me happy, not what people made me think would make me happy. I’m not saying I’ve fully figured out who I have come to be, but I’m definitely moving in the right direction. I’m still coming of age; I’m finding my normal.