I have something on my mind that eats away at me every day. The idea of being "too much."

I often tell people that my greatest fear is being "too much." And maybe that doesn't make sense but for me it is crippling.

For so long my friends and family have told me I am closed off or don't put myself out there enough and every time I still find it hard to believe.

You see, there was a time when one boy told me I was too much. I cared too much. I texted too much. I put in too much effort.

I have always been one to fall hard and care deeply but ever since then I have weighed out every step and every move I make in my head to be sure it will not come off as me being "too much." But in my mind I still care deeply, I just do not show it. This is why when I am told that I am closed off I don't understand. Excuse me, I am being very open and practically in love in my head if you could just read my mind, that'd be great. But in real life I'm here making sure I don't reply too fast or don't show much interest or don't linger too long.

So who sets the standard of what's too much and what is not enough because I would really like to have a talk?

When I was with the boy that referred to me as "too much" I remember crying to my best friend wondering why asking for a simple text back was too much, or why asking for a little affection was too much, or why locking the door so I don't walk in on you sleeping with another girl was too much (yes that happened).

So I have come to this conclusion:

You are only too much for the people that are not enough for you.

What is wrong with showing someone how much you care? Or telling them how you feel?

I still may not know what is too much and what is not enough but I do know that the right man, will be a man that wants all you have to give plus some. When you find this man, there will be no need to fear being "too much." okuuurt.