The world is divided. No matter what philosophers may preach, in spite of songs and promises of unity, the world is split into TWO kinds of people.

Early people, on-time people, and late people.

If you couldn't guess I'm the latter. Do not undermine my claim, I am a VERY LATE person.

There is a saying, that I always abide by: better late than ugly. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror I go, humph, and decide to be a little late.

You see, my lateness started when I was born.

I was born a day late.

Then it came to talk, average children start speaking full sentences at what, 2 years or so? Jokes on everyone, I didn't speak anything besides unintelligible murmurs (probably some primordial curses, for my superstitious nanny seriously thought I was possessed due to me incessantly crying, biting, and having an almost calculating and irate demeanor) until I was 3.5 years old!

I'm the prince of lateness. When I'm late to class, I always make sure to grab a cup of Starbucks® Venti Green Iced Tea Lemonade (or their famous Pink Drink) and shamelessly walk in as if the class won't start without me.

Everyone watching me enter think two things, depending on what kind of a person they are.

A late person thinks, "same."

An early person thinks, "you little sh*t!" They're just jealous. They're jealous of my freedom.

And I hate that sometimes, but most times I'm fine with that. Sometimes I make a cosmically ashamed, and distressed face so no one thinks I'm arrogant.

But in the instance of lateness, I'm like a dog. Dogs have no real shame.

When my friends ask me to hang out and, say come see the screening of Winnie The Pooh (2011) or other mundane college youngster activity, and ask "are you almost there?" I always reply: "I'll be there in 10 minutes"

Early people, that's code for "I haven't even left the house, and probably am trying my best, but I live in a separate reality where time passes differently and I'll really be there in 30 and probably grab a milkshake on my way."

As a late person, I also have a great power.

I am able to do 2 weeks of work, studying, or eating, in a span of a few hours before the due date, and still be one minute late, but be SO accomplished. That amazing power is called Procrastination, and it only works if there are less than 24 hours left before the due date of any event at any given place or time.

So do I try, as a late person, to become an early person?

Yes.

And even though I may be late to many things, I manage to enjoy life as if though I've had a million years to spare.

I sincerely do try, and I truly don't procrastinate a lot and space out my work perfectly and evenly. For example, this article was meant to be written yesterday.

Oh.