dichotomoy

Poetry On Odyssey: On Life as A Walking Dichotomy

"Polarities"

rcdoerr
rcdoerr
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i am running out of metaphors to say that i am angry

angry at god for dying before me

angry at white knuckled abandonment

angry at the way i can no longer hear my heartbeat

all my poems these days are about death

or my father

gemini heartbreaks

because having a daughter that wants to die is more of a disappointment than having a daughter that doesn't love you

and both of those things are somehow still my fault

i am weak because i am asking for help

and weaker because sometimes that help does not mean waking up the next morning

the power to give names to our pain is never simple, with nothing but a clumsy rum-stained tongue and loose change memories

they were lost in a moth eaten coat years ago,

draped over sunken shoulders

my pain tastes like dead flowers

pressed between the pages of the poems i still can't choke out

my pain is named father and it sounds a lot like silence

he left empty whiskey bottles and red wine anxiety

forced me to shake off the wings of youth like stardust and cast them into the night, clandestine as the dark that brought them

he is the dark

and i am a tiger with no teeth

who has always believed that home and heartache are synonymous

the thing about spending half of my time replacing marrow with melancholy

and the other half sticky with the sap of my bad choices

is that nothing is ever a constant

most days, the shadows cast on bedroom walls feel like they belong to someone who is me, but not quite me

a moving picture

a moment, perfectly preserved

an in-between

i speak in 'sometimes' so that i don't have to claim anything as a habit

so that when people wear my illness to describe their indecision

i do not feel like it belongs to me

do not feel like strangers see me as two halves

i don't know if this poem is about being bipolar or being half of my father but i guess i am a walking dichotomy now

i am afraid my body is going to betray me; i am afraid of losing my shadow or becoming it. i am afraid my hands will forget how to hold a pen or my tongue or my heart or do anything but choke the necks of dusty liquor bottles and my conscience

i am afraid no one will ever love a fragment of a person

i am felling entire forests in my head, trying to uproot the parts of me that look like him. but it is getting more difficult to tell which trees are rotting and which ones are already dead

how much of me was sinking into the soil before now?

the nights have always been easier

because when i wake up in the morning with the dust settling in early sunbeam showers, i am always expecting to look in that bathroom mirror

and see my father's face looking back at me.

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The End Of The Semester As Told By Todd Chrisley

Because we're all a little dramatic like Todd sometimes.
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The last 3-4 weeks of every college student's semester are always crazy hectic.

We have last minute assignments, group projects, and exams all squeezed into the last few weeks before break.

Sometimes we all need a little humor, and sometimes we are all a little dramatic, so why not experience the last few weeks of the semester as told by the king of drama himself, Todd Chrisley of "Chrisley Knows Best."

1. Sitting in class listening to your professor explain upcoming assignments/exams.

2. When your group project members refuse to do anything until the night before it's due or just show up the day of to present.


3. When you and your roommate try to cook with whatever few ingredients you have left in stock.

Because we definitely want to avoid going to the grocery store at the end of the semester if we can.

4. When your parents get tired of you calling them about every little inconvenience in your life.

5. Sitting down to work on assignments.


6. Your thoughts when the professor is telling you what they want from you out of an assignment.


7. When you've had about 30 mental breakdowns in two days.

8. Trying to search out the class for the right group members.

9. The last few days of classes where everyone and everything is getting on your nerves.

10. When your friend suggests going out but you're just done with the world.

11. This. On the daily.

12. When all you want to do is snuggle up and watch Christmas movies.


13. Studying and realizing you know nothing.


14. When your finals are over and it's finally time to go home for break.


You're finally back to your old self.

Cover Image Credit: Instagram

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Shows And Movies We Loved As Kids And What Those People Are Doing Now

I wanted to know what some of my favor actors and actresses are up to now.

hannahd
hannahd
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I was scrolling through Netflix the other day and came across the movie "Spy Kids." Now I don't know about you guys but I LOVE this movie and was very excited when I saw it. Obviously, I watched it, and the second and the third cause what else would you do on a weekend? It got me thinking I wonder what some of our favorite movie/show characters are doing now and what their life is like.

Alexa Vega also is known as Carmen Cortez in "Spy Kids" is now 30 years old and doing great! Alexa is married to...wait for it: Carlos PenaVega. You might be thinking who even is that. If you watched "Big Time Rush" it's Carlos from BTR!! They got married in the year 2014 and they have a baby boy together named Ocean and they just posted on their Instagram they are expecting another baby boy.

Next, on our list, we have Jonathan Lipnicki also known for some great movies like "The Little Vampire" and "Stuart Little," He is now 28 years old and you can now find him on some television shows such as "Family Tools" and "Worst Cooks in America."

Danielle Fishel was known as Topanga Lawrence on "Boy Meets World" and later "Girl Meets World." You could catch her on Disney Channel in those shows. She is 37 years old and now she is married to Jensen Karp. Ben Savage, also known as our beloved Cory Matthews on "Boy Meets World" and "Girl Meets World," is now 38 years old. One of the quotes that have stuck with me is:

"A lot of the problems teenagers go through, it's better for them to go through them on their own. If you always have a crutch, you don't learn anything."

Daniel Radcliffe also is known as "Harry Potter" (favorite movie ) is now 29 years old. If you have never seen these movies I recommend them to anyone, and if you don't like them.. well, we are done talking. Anywho he is in the upcoming animation movie "Playmobil: The Movie."

Emma Watson also is known as the gorgeous and smart Hermione Granger now at 29 years old. Something you might not know is that her alma mater is Brown University. Emma is in a movie coming out December 25th, 2019 called "Little Women."

Robert Pattinson or how a lot of people know him as Edward Cullins from the "Twilight" series is now 32 years old and is in the upcoming movies "Waiting for the Barbarians" (2020) and "The Devil All The Time" (2020).

Taylor Lautner (I will always be Team Jacob and we can forever argue about it ) is known as Jacob Black in the "Twilight" series but you might also remember him from the movie "Abduction" in 2011 and the movie "Sharkboy and Lavagirl" in 2005, "Grown Ups 2" in 2013, another good one was "Cheaper By The Dozen 2" in 2005 and I could go on and on talking about him. Taylor is now 27 years old and in a few shows such as "Scream Queens" and "My Wife and Kids."

Anna Kendrick also from the "Twilight" series but also from "Pitch Perfect" known as Beca is now 33 years old and working on an upcoming movie "Noelle" coming November 2019

Rebel Wilson in the movie "Pitch Perfect" known as Fat Amy. A fun little tidbit, when the movie came out I changed my twitter name to "Fat Hannah"... and now that I think about it I was a stupid kid and why would I do that to myself. Anyway, Rebel is known for her funny personality and she is in an upcoming movie "The Hustle" May 10th, 2019 with fellow actress Anne Hathaway.

These are just a few of some of the actors and actresses from some of my favorite movies I have watched over the years and wondered what they were doing now with their lives.

hannahd
hannahd

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