It wasn’t until recently that I became conscious of the power my speech has in my relationships with others. While much emphasis is placed on the tone that we use in conversations, I have become more fascinated with the language that I choose. This shift in focus is due to my reading of Shonda Rhimes’ memoir “Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person." Rhimes is the creator and showrunner of the television shows “Grey’s Anatomy”and “Scandal.”

In her book she discusses her shift from a mindset of “no” to one of “yes” and her willingness to accept herself and her achievements.

One chapter that had a profound effect on me. It discussed a person’s inability, particularly women, to accept compliments and praise. Rhimes discussed an awards dinner she went to that was celebrating women in Hollywood. She remarked that the overwhelming sentiment of those being awarded was that it was all due to luck and with almost no achievement of their own. She writes, “Not a single woman in the room could handle being told, ‘You’re awesome.’ I couldn’t handle being told I am awesome. What in the hell is wrong with us?”

Rhimes continues on to describe the necessity of ownership of our accomplishments. She emphasizes the line between confidence and narcissism. Of course, we cannot achieve everything on our own and we must give those who help us their much-earned credit. But we also have to acknowledge our self-worth and our talents.

“I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.”

This has become my inner mantra. I am conscious of what I say and I deliberately try to only make declarative statements when speaking and writing about my thoughts and opinions. I don’t want to undermine my own feelings by bookending my words with phrases like “I’m not sure…” or “I don’t know, though…” I want to be sure of everything I say and to feel OK with being opinionated.

The problem of self-editing and second-guessing is pervasive in our culture, especially among women. It’s upsetting because that inhibits many awesome opinions and ideas from being heard. After reading Rhimes’ book, though, I am more optimistic that this trend might be changing. There are many more examples and images of strong, opinionated women in our society and they provide the perfect backdrop for confident women and girls in the world. No one is truly free from fear and uncertainty but just a change of language can transform our personal identity.