I am the oldest of nine, soon to be 10 children. (Yes, my mother is pregnant again. You can learn more about that here.)
First, I would like to acknowledge that each child in any family has responsibilities and being the oldest of any family is challenging. Nonetheless, being the oldest of a large family comes with responsibilities and tasks that most others do not experience.
The struggle to distribute your time, attention and affection evenly between your siblings is one of the biggest differences between large and small families. It can be easy to spoil the youngest sibling; they require more attention than the older children require, and even though it feels like you've gone through it a million times, you still want to witness their firsts. However, the older children need and crave attention too. Sometimes I struggle to balance college, work, social life and home life. Fitting time in for each of my siblings can be extraordinarily complicated. They are all at different stages in life and are interested in different things. The older children may want to go shopping or go to a movie while the younger children want to walk to the park or get ice cream. I try my best to make time to take each of my siblings out each month on a special “Sissy date” where we have time to enjoy each other’s company and catch up. I also try to plan group trips where all or most of my siblings come out with me for a special treat.
Being an active, positive role model for your siblings while modifying your approach for the understanding of each is another difficulty. My teenage younger siblings need to know that it is okay to make mistakes; it is part of learning and growing as a person. My younger siblings require guidance in others ways, such as being reprimanded for dangerous actions or being taught how to do things on their own. Figuring out how to best serve your role in each of their lives can be exhaustingly challenging.
In addition to finding time to take your siblings out, the physical act of taking them out can be frustrating. Personally, if I want to take them all out, I have to secure four car seats into my vehicle and then three extra seats besides the driver's seat are required to sit the older children. Thankfully, I have an eight passenger vehicle. However, when our baby brother is born later this year, I will not be able to fit everyone anymore. Finding the correct positioning for all the car seats is harrowing because you have to make sure everyone has enough room. If the kids are squished together, chaos ensues.
Then there's the trouble of the looks and comments you get once you’re out with them. Just two weeks ago I had a man ask if my 15-year-old brother was my boyfriend. Seriously? If I take one of the younger ones out, it is all fine and dandy. People remark on “how beautiful” my child is and are shocked when I tell them that said child is actually my brother/sister. If I take multiple little ones out, I get a totally different reaction. I hear things like “Are they ALL yours?!” and “You are too young to have that many children!” These people experience a rude awakening when I explain my family dynamic. They usually rush away ashamed of their assumptions. In all reality though, if they were my kids, it is no one else’s business what I do with my life.
Being an oldest sibling comes with great responsibility. Being the oldest in a large family comes with responsibilities, judgment, assumptions, bitterness from others, but also an abundance of love for and from each sibling. Sibling bonds are special, no matter the size of the family. Being part of a large family and adequately balancing all that comes with having a large family deserves to be commended.
