Much like all of the other incoming freshmen, I received my dorm information, which is huge. It means I now know where I'm going to be living, and who I'm going to be living with for the next year of my life. It's so stressful and exciting all rolled up into one.

I had felt so elated, and as a millennial, I instantly took to the internet - looking for dorm decor because it was finally real. Finally set in stone, I'll be in a college dorm in slightly over a month. I was busy shopping online for rugs, searching for the most efficient desk lamp, a clock radio, etc. Then, suddenly, the panic set in.

A crippling fear washed over me as I realized that In one month and nine days I would be sleeping in a building full of perfect strangers. Strangers with entire lives outside of me. The thought of having to make a completely new set of friends was so exhausting to me. (All of the small talk) It was so overwhelming I had to sit... and nap... for a few hours.

When I woke up from my nap and came-to, I remembered that most of my friendships in high school were solely friendships of convenience, and not because we actually enjoy spending time together or had anything in common. That was a hard pill to swallow. I realized that my roommate-to-be seems to care more about my thoughts than people I've known for years. A lot of my "friends" haven't made an effort to talk to me since the second week of summer vacation.

I realized this the other day when I was having a conversation with a friend about a Cold War-esque argument that we were having, but while reflecting back on it, I realized she didn't ask me how I was... not one single time. She didn't ask me about my thoughts or what I've been up to lately, she just made it abundantly clear that she just wanted to talk about herself. So, I realized that not every single friend is forever.

I am about to embark upon a new chapter in my life, and with the new territory comes great emotional change; part of that is realizing that I deserve to have people in my life who care about my intellectual and emotional thought processes. I don't need someone in my life who only talks about themselves. Learning this lesson was difficult, because I was so used to feeling as if I needed to make the other person happy, at my own expense but that isn't what real friendship is.

Honestly, sometimes friendships break and drift apart, and part of growing up is learning how to navigate the loss of a friendship (or loss of many friendships) and to understand that growing apart is natural. Sometimes friendships are temporary. Sometimes friendships are just a result of seeing each other constantly. Sometimes friends are meant to teach you something, and then drift apart.

So, the crippling fear has melted away and all I feel is complete excitement for the upcoming school year. Of course there's going to be a bit of apprehension, but mostly excitement--excitement for what's going to happen.

"I don't need friends, they disappoint me."