We have the weights that we carry. These weights are well-hidden behind a pasted-on smile. Some weights are easier to spot, appearing on human skin as scars. Scars are the body signal of once being wounded beyond normal repair. The body has mechanisms of protecting itself, including maintaining temperature to vital organs by closing off blood flow to the extremities or releasing adrenal hormones to allow the body a boost to flee a situation of distress. The mind though doesn't heal itself as diligently. The mind attempts to erase its scars. These eraser attempts by the mind can look like memory loss, cravings for substances with addictive, high inducing tendencies, or complete withdrawal from one's lifestyle.

I bring these patterns up because I struggle to battle my own demons sometimes. In fact, I too, like you am human and have faults. For me, I didn't choose addiction as my strategy of healing my mind instead I chose a preservation tactic that pushes many people away. I chose what I like to call the "arms-length philosophy". The "arms-length philosophy" is the idea that you only let people get close enough to see who you are but not close enough to hurt you.

Take my advice: some people will get close enough to help you heal. Don't hurt them because they will see the pain hidden behind your smile, a heart that needs shelter, a spark that needs cultivating, these people will become a home for you to take with you no matter where you go. I know that losing someone who was your everything leaves you feeling empty but I promise you someone somewhere prefers a life where you belong in it than to live without you. FInd a space for your feelings, take time for yourself, do your best to mend your wounds, don't bleed on people who didn't hurt you.

I know if you are struggling, this excerpt probably doesn't help much. I hope you find someone who is like coming up for air because drowning in your feelings can be painful. The world is better with you in it. Old demons never really leave you they just learn to play new tricks on you.