The past couple months I haven't really been myself. My mental health got the best of me. I've tried to put up a front for the longest time, but then I realized its okay to not know where exactly I am at this moment in time, or where I'm going.
Mornings get tougher, nights get longer, questions still remain unanswered.
Sometimes a good day will come around, and the weight on my shoulders is lifted slightly and it usually when I feel like I can get over this. Then on other days the weight is just so heavy to where you're just stuck. You have little to no drive to do anything on those days, but tomorrow will be good so you push through. It's a never-ending cycle of good and bad days which can be physically and mentally tiring.
You start weird eating habits. This can be binge eating all the time or just not eating the proper amount per day. I've gone days without eating a proper meal and just snacking on small foods to hold me over till I build the motivation to eat an actual meal. Recently I've gotten better with my eating habits, and added some healthy alternatives to my unhealthy snacking.
Sometimes you notice yourself pulling away from things that once seemed so interesting and fun.
I'd rather be in my room alone listening to music than with all of my friends. This isn't something you can fight easily, and what I've learned from this is it's always nice to have at least one friend to call or hangout with when things get too much.
I think I've cried more in college than I ever have. This could be because I'm watching a show and something triggers the tears or I just need to cry. Once you start crying about one thing, you start crying about every other minor inconvenience in your life. Sometimes there is times where this turns into a full temper tantrum (yes, like a 2 year old) or I find things to put my "energy" into
I started to clean a lot more than I used to, if you know me personally than you know that I HATE cleaning, but it is something that has helped me cope. It allows me to do a responsibly while avoiding the stressful ones, which is kind of redundant but it makes me feel better.
School is also helping me "unwind", which is also kind of redundant but it works. Ever since I have been isolating my self to my room alone, I have been doing at least 10 times better in school than I ever have. It ultimately boosts my mood when I am doing well in school.
I would just like to say thank you to anyone who is currently in my life. I know I haven't been the best person to deal with the past couple months. I may not act like it or say it often, but I appreciate every single one of you.
My mental health has always been a rollercoaster ride, and writing this article talking about my mental health for any one to see wasn't the easiest thing to do and I've been putting it off for awhile, but I realized that there needs to be more conversation around mental health so I decided to finally write this.
So If you feel lost, it's okay. You'll find your way. I always encourage you to check on the people in your life. You never know who may be struggling in silence.
