For years, I struggled to be happy with what I saw in the reflection on the mirror. There was always some speck or dimple on my face that didn't fit. My arms were always a tiny bit too flabby or not muscly enough. My neck wasn't bony enough. My hands were too big and my fingers were too thick. My feet were too wide. My thighs made me look like Godzilla. My smile made my face look bigger. My eyebrows were too thick. My skin was splotched and oily. My hair was too frizzy.
It's so unbelievably easy to pick things out about myself that I don't like. I always thought that other people saw these things, too. I thought they hated me for what I saw. I used to think that everyone's opinion of me mattered. And that's why high school was so hard for me. I felt trapped in a box with mirrors, always pounding on the walls and screaming for someone to help me out. No one ever came.
I didn't know that while I was sitting in the corners of my box, crying and wishing for a better life, my soul was glowing bright. So bright that the mirrors in my box shattered and the walls trembled. I stood and picked up a piece of broken glass and saw something unrecognizable. I saw true beauty.
And it was like a fire was lit within me. An unfamiliar strength arose and gave me the power to stand up and fight my own battles. Soon I began to look at my reflection and I would smile a smile that surprisingly many people were fond of. I no longer saw the numbers on the weight scale as a threat. I thought the blues in my eyes were pieces of the sky. My dimples were marks of happiness. My hips were perfect for dancing like a princess.
I remembered the awful feeling of when I wasn't happy at all with my body. I realized that if I was basing my happiness on what other people thought of me, I would never truly be happy. People are cruel and they will make you hurt because they think superiority is the key to happiness. I'm here to tell that you are beautiful and absolutely unique. You do not have to be perfect to be happy. You do not have to please society to feel better.
Don't let others decide how beautiful you are. Your skin is yours and nobody else gets a say in who you are.
I used to think that if my jean size wasn't 0-2, I wouldn't make friends. If I didn't wear makeup, the other girls would laugh at me. If I didn't wear a specific type of shoe, I wasn't allowed to be cool. If I didn't dress to impress every single day, I would never find a boyfriend. As crazy as it sounds, you'd think I was just being hard on myself.
The real truth that no one wants to talk about is that society expects these things from you. They expect you to be absolutely picture perfect and if you aren't, you will never succeed. Society teaches young ladies to look at other girls with judgmental eyes and pinpoint every single flaw. They teach them to have no respect for anyone, including themselves. And this is where the real problem lies. Now is the time to talk about this. Now is the time to change the view that young women have of themselves.
It is absolutely acceptable for you to be happy with who you are. It is more than okay to push aside your flaws and notice your true beauty, whether it be inner or outer. If I could go back, here's what I would say to my former self:
"Girlfriend, there's gonna be bullies and there's gonna be snobs who are gonna try and tear you apart, limb from limb. You pick yourself back up, brush yourself off, and put your tiara back on because you are always going to be the better person. It does not matter what those ugly people say because you are uniquely beautiful and there's only one of you in this world. Don't give up, sweet pea."
