Last week was my 21st birthday. Unlike many others my age, I did not post anything about my first legal, “legal,” or (legal) drink on social media. In fact, when somebody would ask about my first legal drink, I would correct them. They were not incorrect, as I did have my first legal drink when considering the denotation of the word legal. However, the connotation of this word implies that saying first legal drink means it is not one’s first drink overall. In this instance, saying the word legal means saying you are no longer illegally drinking.
I realize that it is a seemingly rare occurrence for somebody to wait to drink until it is legal to do so. I’m basically a unicorn, right? I know a handful of others like me, but compared to the number of people I know, they are only a small fraction. My peers have been drinking since the age of 13 and so for over a third of my life, I was surrounded by people my own age who were consuming alcohol. My lack of participation had nothing to do with a lack of opportunity. Actually, not drinking opened up many opportunities for free alcohol. When I would tell people I didn’t drink, they were eager to be the first to give me one. To their dismay, I always declined.
Not drinking often made me the odd one out. I lost friends in high school when their primary form of socializing was binge drinking at parties. I found myself silent at lunches where friends discussed the latest party gossip, because being the sober person in a room full of drunk people was not my usual scene. When girls on teams of mine would talk about their hangovers at practice, I had nothing to share since the worst thing I’d had the night before was a bowl of ice cream. And, in college, as my sober friends started to drink, I started to find the number of people to spend time with on Friday nights dwindled.
Many people have questioned why I would not join in, even just to have one drink on occasion. They have asked questions ranging from reasons regarding religion to alcoholism. Some even offered not to tell anyone about the fact I did not drink, but that was never needed. In answering questions and declining drinks, I was always honest. I never pretended I was the DD or that I had a drink in my water bottle which was always just water. Not drinking made me more comfortable with myself and my decisions. I had to be comfortable with not being invited places because I didn’t drink. I had to be comfortable answering no less than five questions from every person who heard I didn’t. And, I had to be comfortable enough to say, “No thanks, I don’t drink” to every person who tried to hand me one.
Looking back, I would not change my decision not to drink. People choose not to drink for a multitude of reasons including susceptibility to alcoholism, religious beliefs, strict families, addictive tendencies, the illegality of it, athletics, health consciousness, negative experiences with people who do drink, and other personal deterrents. Some of these were factors of my own, but the most contributing one was the fact that I just did not have time.
Imagine all of the effort that goes along with a night out drinking. I have observed many friends get ready for the night out, pregame, go out, get drunk, stay up late, wake up with a hangover, and do nothing most of that day because of it. Quite frankly, I would prefer to spend my time elsewhere and in what I would consider a more personally productive manner. I am proud of the alternatives I found so that I could socialize, have fun, and spend my time in ways that did not involve drinking. Throughout high school and college I have been a soccer player, track athlete, dancer, golfer, singer, instrumentalist, club member, organization leader, honor society member, youth group member, and a volunteer. I also spent a lot of time with my family and close friends, and devoted myself to my schoolwork. Because I was so invested in my activities, many of which I did with friends, how could I have chosen to give them up in order to party or go out and drink? Being so involved in other activities meant that the times I felt left out did not last long, because I always had something else to do or somewhere else to go. For instance, when I did not attend prom weekend after hearing everyone plan it for months, I was not upset. Instead, I went to prom and the next morning I became one of the best high jumpers in the state. I still got to spend time with my friends that weekend, but I achieved something I would not have if I'd opted to party my weekend away.
It takes internal strength to choose these experiences over those that “everybody else is doing.” In a world where drinking is the norm and fitting in is so desired, it can be a challenge to be the sober friend. From what I have learned, though, when you find other meaningful and fulfilling ways to spend your time, you do not feel like you are missing out of the parties, or at least of drinking at them. You learn that it is possible to have fun without alcohol. You feel more capable of making decisions about your drinking when you choose to do so. You find healthy coping mechanisms after things such as break ups when the stereotypical suggestion is to “get drunk and forget about him/her.” You have more money to spend on other activities and experiences that do not involve alcohol. And, you become a more confident person after being repeatedly questioned for your life choices. So, for anyone who struggles as a non drinker or would like to follow this path, I encourage you to keep yourself busy and to fill your life with things that are meaningful to you. This choice presents its challenges, but if you choose to make them your own, I can say that you likely will not look back with regrets. Here’s to all the nights I remember, the friends who stood by me, the people who invited me out anyway, those who encouraged and respected my decision, the opportunities I had, and the underage life I lived as the sober friend.
