There are a lot of times when we feel down. When you’re angry at yourself for a bad grade, for messing something up. There are times when we are upset, and rightly so. Our emotions are valid, yet they’re uncomfortable, so when we try to talk about it, others try to change how we feel. As someone who suffers from a mental illness, I know that sometimes when I’m upset about something, it’s valid, but that I can look from it differently to see it in a different (less upsetting) light.
But sometimes, you don’t want to change your emotions. Sometimes, you know that your emotions match the situation. And it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay not to be happy and positive all the time. It’s okay to say, “Yeah, this sucks,” take a big sigh, and listen to some melancholic music.
I believe that as a society, we are uncomfortable with what emotions that have been deemed as “negative.” No one wants to see their friend upset. I get it. I want to help someone find a silver lining and cheer them up when they’re down. But I’ve recently discovered that sometimes, validating someone’s feelings is the most helpful thing you can do. Opening up lines of communication about mental health and our emotions is scary and hard; telling someone you’re feeling down or anxious can be one of the hardest things you do, whether or not you suffer from a mental illness. I want you to know that it’s okay to feel those things. As cliched as it is, you have to feel your feelings.
At some point, everyone ends up feeling a “negative” emotion. Most everyone also ends up being the person someone goes to at some point. It’s important that in those moments, you ask what kind of support someone wants. If they want you to problem solve, that’s great. Remind someone that, even though they didn’t do well on their exam, they have other things to look forward to, and they can study hard for the next one and find resources on campus to help them out. However, if they just want to vent, sometimes a supporter feels like they can’t do much. But in those cases, it’s often enough just to listen and maybe say, “Wow, that is really hard. I’m sorry you didn’t do well and that you’re feeling upset. Do you want me to get you some tea?” This reminds them that the way they feel is okay.
Everyone feels upset at some point. Everyone hits rough patches. And it’s okay to feel sad. Even though the sadness may be uncomfortable, it’s okay, and normal. So next time you feel upset, and you just want an opportunity to wallow for a bit (not forever!), give yourself that time. And the next time your friend tells you they’re upset, try to remember that it’s okay for them to feel that way, even though you want them to be happy. Life is hard, and feelings have to be felt, even when they’re not pleasant. Crying or just feeling crappy doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you’re human. And that’s 100% okay.
