It may have been three years ago, but I remember the first few weeks of my freshman year vividly. The anxiety, excitement, crazy orientation schedule and whirlwind of new activities and finding my way around a large campus are all crystal clear in my memory. Since then, I have learned so many lessons, from how to speed read (you really don’t need to read every word of your readings!), how to balance school and fun so I don’t burn out, not to take 8:30 classes and – one of the most important lessons -- that it’s okay to be alone. That it’s not just okay, but good.
I remember during those first few weeks of freshman year that I was terrified to be alone. I was scared of getting lost looking for the gym, of what people would think if I was eating in the dining hall alone or showing up to a club meeting without friends. I remember going to a meeting on the second day of classes by myself and feeling unbearably exposed and like there was a spotlight on me sitting by myself. I walked everywhere with other freshman, sticking close by people from my dorm and always leaving in groups of four or more people. At every meal I anxiously scanned the dining room looking for familiar faces, sitting down with anyone that I had met even once during orientation (or talked to on Facebook, naturally). Seeing freshman traveling in packs around campus during these early weeks of the semester, I’m brought back to that time, to my own insecurities and earnestness, to the time before I realized that spending time alone is important too.
Making friends and meeting people is, without a doubt, one of the most integral parts of the college experience and an invaluable opportunity to broaden your horizons and form deep bonds with people as you carve out your niche on campus. I know that I have built friendships that will last for the rest of my life, and found more people with similar interests and passions than I would have ever expected. I am not discounting the value of these opportunities but rather affirming the power of spending time alone.
Spending time alone has helped me become more comfortable in my own skin, taught me that sometimes I am my own best company and helped me learn about myself and who I am when no one is looking. Going for walks alone or eating a quiet meal in the dining hall can bring the peace that I am so often lacking in my day-to-day life. Often, it gives the clarity and perspective to solve problems in my life and take a step back from the whirlwind of life at Wellesley. I think being alone is both an important form of self care and a big part of the self-discovery journey of college. College is the first time away from home for many of us, the first time away from our families and often the first opportunity for us to truly spend time with ourselves and learn who we are. I think finding a balance between the important social components of college and spending time alone is an important lesson that comes from the first year at school. That time to think and sit with yourself is a valuable opportunity that will help you be more comfortable in your own skin and more secure in your identity. So I encourage you to grab a meal by yourself this week, or take a quiet walk around the lake alone, and see the clarity it can bring you.
