Faith is something I am not accustomed to. Trusting other people is something I don't really like to do. I like to pretend I am strong, but we both know this life is something I can't do alone. I heard a song once; it said, "It's like I'm standing in the rain and you offer me a raincoat. But I would rather stand there wringing wet than take the handout. What's wrong with me? You said, you've always got your hands out. And I cannot continue on my own, so take my hands now."

I know is should give you my everything, not just a little bit. Take it from me, I am nothing but a hypocrite. I hate when I sin, but that's what my life is built on; its the foundation. My soul is very lost, and I need nothing but your direction. I told you that I don't need your protection, but I lied. This life is tiring. Man was not created for it, please retire me now.

Trust is something I am not accustomed to. But I know the Bible says I should always trust in you. I know this, but I honestly don't read that book enough. And when I have a question, I don't take the time to look it up. I question the ground I walk on and I shouldn't because you put it there. Please take this out of my hands, I cant' do it alone. I have no control, I am nothing but a person. But thank God I serve a Lord that is perfect.

Forgiveness is something I am not accustomed to. I have struggled with this a lot, but it's hard for me to swallow my pride. I used to believe you owed me an apology for the life you gave me due to all the hardships that came along with it. But then you reminded me that I don't even deserve a life at all. I've seen so many other people taking complete advantage of the breath you give them. They know they are sinning but use your sons death as an excuse; almost like a get out of jail free card. But most of them don't know they're already in prison and their days of release are running low. The same God that they say might not even exist, becomes very real in the end, when they're dying in bed. But when we're healthy its like we don't really care for you then. We push you away until we need you again.

Vulnerability is something I am not accustomed to. It has taken time, I am so stubborn. You had to break me until I was too weak to fight it anymore. Would things have happened differently if I would have just turned to you in the first place? Was I punished? I find a lot of guilt in these thoughts that run through my head. Take me out of bondage, take all of my pride. If I don't have a savior, I don't have anything inside. Take all of my lust, take all of my lies. My life will always have a hole if you are not the center piece. I know I cannot be perfect, that's why you had to do what you did. You created us with free will, not as your robots. I bet it hurts you to watch your own creation fail, I am so sorry. But we both know, Ill fail you again.

Change is something I am not accustomed to. Everybody wants change, but nobody wants to change. No one wants to pray until they have something to pray for. It's easier to blame God but harder to fix things. I still do this, even when I know what you've done for me. I should crave conversation with you, I should adore your presence all the time. I love those moments when I worship you and I look up and I swear I can see your eyes. It is so powerful it always moves me to tears. My hands raise hoping to touch you. I swear I can feel you, but when the music goes off, my fire goes out. Which is so stupid of me because you could throw that fire in my face and burn me so easily.

I fear you. I know the power you hold, which is maybe why I question you. I don't believe the questioning is wrong, but the doubting is. I doubt you when I see the way the world has become but then I remember you have a plan and you told us all how it ends. How can you answer our prayers when no one is praying to you? We look up in the sky and ask why you aren't listening. We watch the news in our living rooms ask, "If God's real then where is he?" You're right here, and I have to trust that you know what you're doing.

You are something I am not accustomed to. I owe you a massive thank you, but no words could get the point across. I owe you an apology but there's no emotion strong enough to prove it. I owe you my life, but it isn't even mine to give; it's already yours.