Today, I saw two guys on my college campus wearing their high school letterman jackets. While I am not one to normally notice or pass judgment upon male fashion choices, something about letterman jackets makes me feel uneasy.
It's not so much the appearance that gets to me, although high schools tend to do a decent job of making sure their school colors clash in every way possible. It's nothing against your school's logo, or even your threatening “honeybee" mascot. Seriously, I was a proud Saint Charles North, wait for it, North Star. Talk about intimidating.
My problem lies somewhere between the “Varsity" embroidery and the lack of space between the various sports patches. When did it become acceptable to publicly boast your (usually extremely average) accomplishments? Last time I checked, the purpose of a jacket is to keep you warm. Is your varsity basketball patch breaking the wind? Is that fabric volleyball waterproof?
Because I was taught that the way I perceive something is not always the way it is, I gave the clothing decisions of these young scholars some deeper thought. Here is what I came up with...
Kids who were athletes in high school are cutting their glory days short. Sure, no one in the college world knows about that buzzer beater that sent your team to state senior year. Yes, your current physical appearance may not reflect the countless hours you spent on morning lifts and after school runs. It's hard on the ego to give up such a large portion of your life, but I'm here to assure you that letterman jackets are not the appropriate coping mechanism. If you look close enough in these four years of drastically dwindling health, you can find ways to put that high school athleticism to good use.
1. Stairs.
College requires many stairs. Sometimes you have to do laundry in the basement and your room is on the third floor. Sometimes you have to stop in the kitchen because they have cookies in there. To the average college student, this would cause a dilemma. But you are not average, you are an athlete. You can take the stairs from the kitchen to your room while simultaneously carrying your laundry and eating a cookie.
2. Move-in day.
Adverse weather conditions, aggressive parents, broken elevators. Bring it on. This day is commonly dreaded by students, but you've been training. This is your game day.
3. Party games.
BP: Apply the mental aspect of your high school sport of choice. The pressure of full gymnasium bleachers has well prepared you for preforming under the flashing lights and loud music of a fraternity house.
Flip-cup: Channel your coordination and agility by flicking a plastic cup onto the edge of a table with two fingers.
4. Dressing the part.
If you haven't realized by now, college students are the most athletically dressed lazy people in all of existence. In your years of training, you're sure to have accumulated a large collection of work out clothes. Although the soles of your Nikes may be worn thin from cross country races or track meets, they are supportive enough to sport with fuzzy socks for a long day of sitting in lecture halls.
5. Greek Week.
A week created for the sole purpose of restoring the confidence in all high school athletes. Do not let the dad bod's fool you, competition is strong and stakes are high. Leave it all on the field. This kind of triumph will hold you over until you decide to join a bowling league for parents.
Rest assured that your glory days, although slightly past their peaking point, are very much still in progress. Hang up the letterman jacket, this is no time for retirement. You are simply taking your talents elsewhere. Get your head in the game; college athletics awaits.
