My room is not organized. My clothes aren't separated by color; my things don't have a set place. Half the time my clothes are strewn across my room; sitting in a laundry basket I never got around to putting away, or shoved in miscellaneous drawers. My nightstand is a combination of old school supplies, vitamins and the occasional bag of candy. I never match my socks; in fact, I am not sure I own matching socks at this point. I am a messy human being, and I also have OCD.

You might be wondering why I just exposed how messy I am (huge turn off am I right), but my goal is to bash the pretty little stereotyped box that people throw OCD into. OCD is not a synonym for "really organized" or "really clean". OCD is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and it is not cute, organized or clean. OCD can manifest many ways and for some people it could manifest in cleanliness or organization – but the difference comes with does it completely interrupt your daily life? You might be OCD if you can't stop thinking about how homework is supposed to be highlighted orange and you left your orange highlighter at home and so now you have to wait to put it in your planner and you can't stop staring at that page. You might be OCD if you wash your hands until your arms break out in hives and your skin is so dry it is cracking and bleeding but you have to keep washing them anyways. You might have OCD if you have to stop six times on a two-hour drive just to check your car to make sure you didn't hit something, even though you didn't feel, hear, or see anything. You might have OCD if you get up three times before you go to bed every night just to make sure your wallet and keys are where you saw them last. You might have OCD if you sit through an entire day of classes, thinking about how you only checked the stove once before you left and what if you thought the burners were turned off but they weren't actually. You might be OCD if you have to turn around five minutes into your drive to go check that the garage door is closed- again. You might have OCD if you got up three times before bed just to make sure the front door is locked even though you checked it five minutes ago, and ten minutes before that.

These are things I have done. Obsessions I have had, compulsions I have done and these are only some. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ruled my life for so long, I was a puppet and OCD held all of my strings. There were points where I couldn't drive, at all. I missed celebrating Easter with my family because I tried to get behind the wheel of my car and all I could do was cry. There were countless nights where I couldn't sleep, days I couldn't fight my compulsions and go to school. I felt hopeless, and a complete loss of control. My brain made me doubt myself in more ways than I can count. It made doubt all of my senses, what I knew was fact, my reasoning skills, my attentiveness.

OCD can be completely and utterly debilitating, but it also doesn't have to be. Getting the right help improved my quality of life in ways I can't begin to describe. It has been a long, hard journey to get to the woman I am today from the one I was a year and a half ago. I wish I could go back to the girl I was then and hug her and tell her that it WILL get better, and that she wouldn't feel like this forever. I didn't get here alone either, I had friends and family who helped me recognize my problem, and supported me while I came to terms with it and got the help I needed. I have a therapist, who has helped me debunk some of my obsessions and compulsions and taught me how to healthily and effectively coexist with them. I will always have OCD, but OCD no longer has me.

I guess the point of this is just to say: take OCD seriously, take me seriously.Don't believe the stereotypes and brush it off as if it isn't as important or valid as any other mental health condition. Educate yourself, ask questions (my messages are always open), and if you read this and it hit home to you please get the help you deserve. You deserve to find a way to live with OCD instead of feeling like you are living for it.

Thanks for reading.