Most of us know about the American nuclear family from the 50s. The men came back from war, families were settling into the suburbs, and the media raved about the perfect, All-American families. The ‘house with the white picket fence’ became the icon of this time, affiliated with the American Dream. But what does it mean to come from a family like that today? It is arguably an overlooked privilege.

As diversity and intersectionality become hot buzzwords, it is important to recognize some of the other words associated with them, one of which is privilege. Privilege is that special advantage you are born with that you didn’t work for and not everyone else has. We use this term with regards to the various social identities such as race, gender and class. It also applies to the lesser known social identities such as neurodiversity, ability status, and nationality. A rich, cisgender, heterosexual, neurotypical, American white male is probably the epitome of privilege, and when we think of who is most often in power, they are in fact at least straight, white and male.

One misconception about privilege is that it doesn’t exist. People push back against the idea of it and claim life is about choices. (It is often the more privileged people who say this.) It is true life comes with a lot of choices. But nobody wakes up and decides to be black, or gay, or autistic or any of that.

The other misconception is that privilege is a bad thing. A lot of people have a hard time admitting their privileges, and it’s not just those who hold a lot of it. In fact, a lot of times, racial minorities have a hard time seeing their own privileges. What does it mean to be able to hold your partner’s hand in public without fear? Or to get up and use the bathroom when you need to? Or to have a Bachelor’s degree? These things are hard to focus on when you’re in a society which constantly reminds you of how you are oppressed.

The nuclear family fits well into the idea of privilege. In fact, it comes with a bundle of privileges. The original nuclear family came with a mom and a dad, and so there is definitely some heterosexual privilege there. A two-income household means for the most part, there is financial stability. Being part of a “Core 4” means you all fit comfortably around the dining room table and in most cars. When you go to amusement parks or water parks, you can do things in pairs. Your kids always have a playmate. It also means your parents have beat the odds with the rising divorce rates. And how many people can say they came from a two-parent, stable household these days?

Today the family unit takes many forms. The “Core 4” can include same-sex couples and mixed-race couples. Children of divorcees have two families, and even the single parent can successfully raise their kids. Some people grow up with their extended family around, others are lucky to have friends around that they consider family. And who's to say one family is better than the other? The point is, yes you can make a family anywhere, but for those of us who were just born into it, it’s important to recognize how good we’ve got it.