For years and years I could never see a future for myself. I never thought that i would live to turn 16, to turn 18, to graduate high school. Those things never seemed tangible for me.
I didn't think that I was enough, I thought that I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't strong enough, just not enough. Everyone was better than I was. How could I possibly achieve anything if i lacked these basic features. I went through high school wishing I was dead, every single day. No one would have known because i didnt make it obvious. But little did anyone know i was determined, i was going to end everything and i knew for a fact that i wouldn't make it to graduation. Day by day I developed plan after plan, how I would do it. I had never been so sure about anything in my life before. But something changed, i met a teacher. I hope she reads this and knows that I'm talking about her, she changed my life.
This teacher was the only person that could see that i was hurting, she reached out to me when i was least expecting it. She helped me in ways that i didnt think possible and for that im thankful. She gave me hope.
Now, im not saying that i was all better after this because i wasn't. This just jump started the process of getting help. Within the next few years i built up the courage to reach out and that's when i experienced my first hospital stay, about 5 more followed since but they were all worth it and they all helped in some way.
After this I met with a new therapist and doctor who are amazing. I still see this therapist today and i owe her so much, she helped saved my life.
Now, although I was going through all of this treatment I turned 18, i graduated high school. I did what I thought was impossible. I chose to live.
Now the years to follow weren't the greatest but they meant a lot to me.
I started college, i met lifelong friends that i will never forget. I got to experience my brother marry his beautiful wife. I've attended so many concerts that just made me feel ALIVE, music has helped me so much and i dont know what I'd do without it. got a job, its a small thing but its something that i usually suck at, so I'm proud.
If i wouldn't have gotten the help I wouldn't have any of these things. I wouldn't have my family, my mom especially, i wouldn't have my friends and i would have the countless amount of memories. Im so damn glad that i chose to live.
