I can tell you honestly, I'm trying. I'm trying so desperately hard to get over you. Do I feel pathetic? Yes. I've been trying to keep myself busy and to forget. I wish I could forget every little thing. The memories are precious but they only hinder me now that you're gone. I live for the day I hear from you. It's disappointing, but after all of this time I know I would take you back in a heart beat. The only problem with that is that you aren't coming back. You don't think of me. I don't cross your mind. Just know, you cross my mind all the time. The memories don't come back at one in the morning when I'm tired and lonely. They come back at two in the afternoon when something sparks a memory that takes me back to when I had you. 

I remember first meeting you. I friend zoned you right from the start. You were persistent and I gave into you. I quickly let down my guard and you became my best friend. I came to you for everything. We had our own inside jokes and we didn't care what the world had to say, we were happy. At least I thought you were. I cared too much for you. I saw a future with you. One day that all shattered when you changed. Suddenly I just wasn't good enough. I'm still struggling to figure out why. Why I wasn't good enough. Why you left. It was all so sudden and unexpected. You tried to explain your reasoning but I still don't understand. 

I've had guys try to talk and flirt with me. None of them have gotten past the first text. I have no desire to talk to any other guy. That guy just isn't you. He wouldn't have the same cute smile you do or the stupid sense of humor that I miss so much. Call me obsessive, I don't care. I loved you with all that I had. I don't understand that if what we had was real, how you could you be fine? Not hearing from you kills me, but I'm forced to keep it inside and act like I'm fine without you. You were my world. How do you function when the person you leaned on for everything leaves? You're left to pick up the pieces on your own. The worst part is when you feel like you have your life back, and suddenly it hits you like a wall again. You were sleeping so well and smiling often, but now you're right back to where you started. You're trying to be happy. You're trying to be positive. But you were always a "glass half empty" person. The only person that filled that glass was him. When he left, he took a little more than half. He took a small piece of your heart, an important piece. 

He's doing fine and I'm trying to act like I am. He wasn't like anyone I've ever had before. He was different. I'm not mad that he left. Therefore, I just can't bare to delete the text messages and all of the pictures. Because those pictures are the only memories that you have left of him. Those are the only memories of the guy who once knew. The guy who one day changed and got up and left. You want to remember yourself happy and that's the only evidence left of that. You want to ensure yourself that at one time, you were his and he was yours. You need the closure to know that he was by your side and that it's not just a distant memory. 

The thing that scares me the most is that I'm starting to forget. I'm starting to forget the sound of your voice and your laugh. I'm starting to forget the feel of your touch. I'm forgetting all of the little things that became so common to me that I loved. That's what scares me, I'm slowly forgetting you but I can't forget you completely. I won't let myself forget you because I don't ever want to forget you. Because I love you.