Growing up, they never tell you how hard the growing up part actually is. Going to college, leaving home, taking on a whole new world of responsibility. We spend half of our lives waiting to be adults yet, at 18 years old, I find myself wishing for just a few more years of the comfortability and stability that home offered.
My entire senior year was based around a college decision. Was I going to get into my dream school? Where was I going to end up? The entire time my heart was set on going to school in Washington D.C. Eight hours did not seem very daunting at the time, however, as August rolled around, the gravity of my decision hit me full force. I wasn't going to be just an hour away from home, from my mom, from my family, from all of the people I surrounded myself with who supported me whole heartedly. Sure, I'd still talk to these people, but in my mind, it wasn't the same. The nerves started a whole month before I even left. I second guessed my decision more than a dozen times. Ask anyone close to me, I was most definitely the definition of a mess.
The word "leaving" in itself exudes sadness. Though, throughout your high school years, no one tells you how hard leaving actually is. Jumping into a new city, new people, a giant course load, I know I wasn't alone in this feeling; there had to be other kids myself age feeling the same way, yet sitting in my dorm in a new, big city, I felt completely and entirely alone. I have a whole new world filled with freedom, a city full of of new exciting opportunities, though almost 4 months later I'm still afraid of having to leave home again. Leaving my circle of comfortability and support. Homesickness is a real thing, and you can never really know what it's like until you're in in.
The best advice I received in leaving for college can be summed up in one simple word: talk. I didn't believe it when I first heard it, but talking has without question allowed me to get through my first semester of college. Though I still only call a select five or so people because, you know, phone fright; just hearing someone's voice is comforting.
Leaving home will never get any easier, however, leaving has allowed me to see how loved I am. The messages I've received, the love I've been surrounded with, and the visits with those I cherish makes leaving home slightly more bearable. Being an adult is frightening, yet if we look behind us, 18 years of love and support is still waiting for us if we need it.
