It's not fun to be squatting behind a bush when all of a sudden, a bright light stops you dead. Your small bladder is of no help whenever you are out, and you must take frequent pee stops, usually in the least conventional of places. Based on 20 years of in-depth research and selective personal interviews, I have come across 5 of the most exciting places to empty your bladder.
1. In a bottle on the back of a bus
Thirteen-hour bus rides with a single stop have nothing on you or your bladder when you have one of those handy female urinal devices! Your bus already reeks of urine, so what's the harm in whipping out your She-Pee and an empty bottle and getting the job done? Answer: There is none!
Rating: 3/5
2. In a sketchy back room of your favorite beer vendor's house
You're out with your friends, enjoying an ice-cold beer from your favorite vendor and while you know that you shouldn't break the seal, the urge is too strong and you need to go now. You don't know what to expect from this man's bathroom because it seems to change with construction every night. Maybe a plant pot, maybe a hole in the floor, but hope springs eternal, and you pull back the curtain to find a porcelain throne.
Rating: 2/5
3. Off a mountain
Panting after reaching the peak of your grueling hike, you realize that you had not sweated out all of your body's water like you thought and you must relieve yourself. You spy a cluster of bushes nearby, but then you realize that you are alone on top of a mountain. Grabbing onto a tree, you lean back, and pee into the chasm, rightfully claiming your territory.
Rating: 4/5
4. In a cave
Down the ladder and through the narrow tunnels you crawl until at last you find yourself in a cavernous hole, surrounded by rocks and pools of water. Unfortunately, the tourism industry has not figured out how to install plumbing in a cave and you simply can't wait to go. You crouch behind one of the larger stalagmites and empty your bladder. Sweet release.
Rating: 5/5
5. In a volcano
While not likely to erupt any time soon, you feel a rush of adrenaline, or maybe a sense of urgency to pee, while climbing to the top of a volcano. You reach the summit and look into the rim; a black hole is beneath you and the void beckons. You squat above the hole, careful to maintain your footing, and pee. You feel as if you've conquered the world, and in a strange way, you have.
Rating: 6/5
It is always easier and generally faster to pee in a conventional toilet, but once you get a taste of freedom from the societal restrictions placed on your bladder, you can emerge from your commodal cocoon. Nature might be your urinal, but please remember: leave no trace behind.
