You were captivated by his adoration but disintegrated with his dissatisfaction. He broke you. You were too much and not enough.
Some nights you felt every emotion exploding at your seams and you cried and screamed until you were gasping for breath on the bathroom floor. And some nights, you felt too delicate and fragile to ever be touched again, so you slipped into a desolate world where you could not be reached. You lost motivation to get out of bed in the morning. You forgot about everything you once loved. And most nights you were reckless, and numb, and drowned your sorrows to regain any kind of control.
In your drunken stupor, you sought out his affection, only to be disappointed. You forgot how to feel anything but sadness. You were desperate as you established your addictions and obstacles. You waited for him to come back, and when he did, you ran to him, arms wide open, only finding yourself feeling more alone than before. And so you distracted yourself when he left again.
And then one day you laughed again. You sang in the shower and felt content in your empty bed. You took long drives and found inspiration from the music blaring from your stereo. You opened yourself back up to the universe and began to transform your life. You used your energy to master your own soul. You learned to love yourself again, and you came to admire your newly found scars. You found that you cannot control the depth of the wounds inflicted on you and that that was OK. And, finally, you could easily breathe again.
So on your bad days remember how intimate you were with misery. Remember how it snapped your heart open and shed new light on person you wanted to be. Remember how you picked up your own broken pieces and put them back into place. You no longer needed someone else to save you because you learned how to save yourself. Remember how much you loved him, and love yourself more. You were passionate, and you were brave, and you should be proud of that. You made a new life for yourself, you adjusted to the hurricane that became your life, and you bloomed into a beautiful flower.
Your heartbreak was not the end, it was just the beginning. God has a brilliant plan for your life, you just have to trust that it's not over until he says it is.
