I never want to be someone people relied on or looked up to as a role model. I never want to be someone who parents say, "you should be more like her" about. I don't want that. I never did and I never will. Now, before anyone judges me for not wanting to be someone others look up to hear me out.

I'm not a bad person, though heaven knows I'm not perfect either. I have my faults and my flaws but so does everyone else. I do things I'm not proud of and I do things that I'm really proud of. That doesn't mean that I'm not happy with who I am.

I'm going to be really selfish for a moment because this is about me. This is about why I feel the way I feel. Being looked at as a role model is a lot of pressure, I'm sure people can agree with me on that. It's a pressure that I can't handle. If you know me or if you read my previous articles it's easy to understand that I have an anxiety disorder. The type of attention and pressure that is put on someone to be a role model is too much for me to handle.

I don't want to be the person tell their kids to be more like because it sucks. Plain and simple. Growing up as a kid and hearing "why can't you be like so and so" was one of the things that hurt me the most because to me it meant my parents weren't happy with who I was. It meant my parents wanted someone more like whoever they mentioned than me. It meant that my parents didn't want me as a whole, only as a part. I hated those people my parents said I should be like. I don't want to be the person someone hates because they were told to be more like me. No one should ever be told to be someone else because they're their own person.

I don't want to be a role model. Being a role model is a lot to put on a person because then you're always being watched and if you make a mistake you're not only being judged by yourself but you're being judged by others for that mistake. I make a lot of mistakes but I also learn from those mistakes. I don't want people to look at me as a role model and see me make those mistakes. I don't want people to look at me, period actually, as weird as that sounds. I don't like attention (at least not from people I don't know). I don't like knowing that I could mess up a person's view on things because of the things I do.

If you look up to me that's okay - I don't mind but the second you start viewing me as a role model that's when things get skewed. Strive to be the best you that you can be. Not the best you think you should be because of what others do. Be your own person. It's okay to look up to someone but never let that person control who you become.

I'm not a role model and I never will be.