You were my first kiss. You were the first guy I had ever met who gave me his number. So thanks for that but sometimes I wish you never had. We met my first day of college on the 3rd floor of the science building. You came up to me and you started asking my name and what classes I was taking. A few minutes later, you gave me your number and you were SO cute. Guess looks really don’t mean anything, do they? A person is as only beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside. I guess I realize that now.
I never had a boyfriend in high school and you knew that because as we got closer, I opened more. We talked for a few days and already I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I had this weird feeling and I looked so forward to being with you. I remember the night you took me to your dorm. You introduced me to your roommates. They left. We stayed. We laid down on the couch while watching "Bob’s Burgers." The biggest thank you I can give is for introducing me to that show. You asked me to be your girlfriend and of course, I said yes. I finally found someone who loved me for ME and maybe there wasn’t something “wrong” with me after all.
Whoops.
We then laid down on your bed and you kissed me. So that’s what it felt like? So warm, magical, and easy. We only knew each other for a few days but I thought that was love. At least to me, anyway. I told you I loved you and you said it back. You said, "I didn’t think you would get that out of me so fast." You said that as if I was different. As if I meant something to you. A day after that you told me you could see this lasting a while. How could it not? You were perfect for me. Someone who showed me love, compassion, and how easy it can be with someone else. The day after that you told me it needed to end and you no longer liked me. Did you ever? You were still hung up your ex. You had a bad breakup and you were broken. I was your guinea pig to get you over that. I see you around and you say hi but it’s not much more than that. You were my first love and heartbreak all in the same week and made me feel worthless. I finally thought things would be different because someone found me.
Nowadays I’m a ghost to you. I’m doing fine — but I mean, not like you would know or care. Maybe I’ll always still wonder what could have been but not like it matters or mattered to you. And hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you did really love me and care for me. But if you still care, tell me, why would I have written this?
