I spend a lot of my time confused. The reason for this is because I'm a planner. I need to know what's coming up next, what location it's going to take place, who's going to be there and how much time I have to prepare myself. Oh, I have an anxiety disorder (if you didn't already deduce that.) But I'm not the only one who feels this way.
So many of us like to know how things are going to work out. Parties, classes we're taking, trips we've spent months saving for, etc. Why would we put so much effort into it all if it was going to end up being a huge mess? That's what I spend most of my time asking myself, which in turn causes me to worry about things I'm currently putting a lot of time and effort into and why my anxiety is part of my personality. I kind of allow it to be sometimes.
I have just started to realize one huge, monumental, earth-shattering thing though; It doesn't have to turn out perfectly for it to have meant something.
If you worked really hard at something and the end result wasn't what you wanted, sure, that can be a huge blow to your confidence. But think about everything leading up to that point. Think about the days you made yourself get up early to work and felt really happy about having coffee alone in the morning sun shining through your blinds. Think about the belly laughs you shared about a secret joke with the person you once built a little hub of comfort with. Think about the car ride to your vacation spot where you screamed out your favorite old songs with your best friends and smiled for almost four hours straight.
The thing is, the destination cannot be the most important part. It was for me. For the longest time, I thought the success of all of the things I have been working towards depended solely on their end result. Boy, was I let in on a big secret. That's not how happiness is measured at all.
And isn't that kind of the most important thing here? In the end, we all just want to be happy. Not all day every day, but every day. It starts with realizing that what you're doing right now is not a mistake. The memories you're making with the people around you are fueling who you are right now. It doesn't matter if those people aren't going to be there in a few years. What matters is they are supporting you now, contributing positively to your growth, and filling you with love that the you that's reading this right now needs.
That person you spent years lifting up as high as the heavens and thanking God for every night? Continue to thank Him. Even though they might not be just a phone call away anymore, they made you who you are. Don't forget how they made you laugh. Don't forget how they made you feel handsome, or beautiful, or worth something.
Most importantly, don't forget all of the good that you did for them. Because no matter what happened in the end, it was a lot of good for you, too.
