There I was. Crying over you again. I have never felt so pathetic in my life.

I thought I was past this. I thought the memories couldn't haunt me anymore. I thought that you didn't break me. But you did.

Truth is, I am still healing. I tell the world I'm OK, but some nights I lie awake wondering what you're doing. I know you're not even thinking about me. I'm sure I don't even cross your mind. You probably don't even think of me when the songs we used to belt come on the radio or when you make late night Taco Bell runs with the friends that replaced me. That's what hurts me the most: still grieving the loss of our relationship and knowing you don't give a care in the world.

Part of me believes that maybe you didn't care about me like I thought you did or maybe I cared too much. I have actually blamed myself for giving you all of my time and attention instead of putting myself out there and making more connections with others. I have spent hours blaming myself for everything that happened between us. You truly made me believe like it was all my fault. It wasn't until recently that I realized it wasn't something I did, you are the one that left. You're the person that I never wanted to lose, and I did.

You are the one that walked away. You are the one that decided I wasn't worth fighting for. You are the one who gave up me.

It wasn't me, it was you. If you came back into my life and asked for forgiveness and a clean slate, I would do that for you. Because that's the person that I am. Even though you hurt me, I believe in second chances. I believe in do-overs. I believe in new beginnings. I believe people can change.

I am not perfect, I know I messed up. I forgave you mistake after mistake. Yet, you were the one that decided not to forgive me.

Sometimes I wish things were different, but losing you was one of the greatest things to happen to me. Although it seemed like the worst thing in the world at one point, I have personally grown so much. I have gained so much perspective and compassion for others. I have learned to treat others with more kindness and respect.

I guess part of me will always care about you. I know this because my heart is so huge. However, I know there will come a day when I won't cry and when you will only be a part of my past. That day will come -- I am sure of it.