Picking friends can be really hard, especially if you don’t trust people. It can also be very easy if you’re the type of person that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. I can say that I am definitely the second one. If you come up to me in class and ask to use a pencil, I’ll probably strike up a conversation and we’ll have a study date at the local coffee shop a week later. It’s just who I am as a person. It’s great to be a friendly face to others. Some don’t know what it’s like to have a real friend and you could change their mind.
The downside to being this type of person is the fact that you can very easily be drug into a bad friendship that you never saw coming. You may start to get very close to someone you met either during class, work, or even through other mutual friends. Within weeks, you two have labeled each other best friends and you are so excited about the new bond that you’ve created. Things are great and you can’t imagine where you would be without your new BFF.
A few months go by and you start to notice subtle changes that weren’t there before… or were they? It starts out with small things such as them being upset when you don’t come over or get mad at you when you go out with your other friends. They start to try and dictate every move you make whether it be your plans, ideas, and even your clothes. You try and brush off the fact that all of this is happening because your friendship was obviously “meant to be”.
You become much more aware of what is happening, and even those around you start to see what’s going on. But you feel like you can’t get away because you are scared of how it’s going to be without them. You’ve held on so tight to the person that you thought they were and you don’t want to let that go.
NOT EVERY FRIENDSHIP IS A GOOD FRIENDSHIP. If someone is using their time and efforts to decide what you should be doing in your life because they don’t know what they’re doing in theirs.. they don’t really have your best efforts in mind. Being in a toxic friendship can literally drain you and it’s not fair to yourself to stay just because you feel like you owe it to them or if you feel like you won’t have any other friends. At the end of the day, it would be much better to be on your own than to be with someone who pollutes the clean air that you breathe. Besides, at the end of the day, you might be in someone’s class and ask for a pencil.. and they just might ask if you would like to go get coffee next week.
Abusive friendships are just as bad as abusive relationships. Don’t talk yourself into being around someone who drains you.
