How many people do you know?
Think about it. No, you cannot count the people you follow on social media that you have never met in real life. Here's who does count:
Your best friends
Your enemies (GASP)
Those are a lot of people to remember. Did you count them all? No really, did you?
I love making friends! Okay, so I didn't count all of them, but I have a feeling that if I did, the number would reach over 1,000 (I hope). The mixture of peers, elders, boys, and girls that fills my text messages, my dorm living room, and my car on late nights warms my heart. I LOVE PEOPLE.
Out of all the people I know, I still haven't met the one. You know, THE One.
At least, I don't think I have.
I know I wrote an article for Valentines' Day in which I shared my views on the beauty of loving people every day, but I might be sick of loving everyone because I am ready for that one. I am tired of waiting; I want to enjoy the time of adventurous singlehood, but it's really hard when the majority of those 1,000 "friends" are enjoying their time in adventurous partnerhood.
God, I know Your plan for me may look different than my plan for me, but I just want a sneak peek into the next chapter- preferably the chapter with a sweet man who encourages me to love You more. And who likes to read. And who prefers dogs to cats.
I'm being really honest here: I am not content in this moment.
I do not want to wait. I hate waiting. Guys, I am an incredibly impatient person, so I feel like this is one of those learning moments where God is like, "You need to work on your patience, Victoria. You want a boyfriend? LOL."
I definitely do not think that God is heartless (and I definitely do not think He would say LOL), but I do believe that His timing and ways are always better. In Isaiah 55, God makes this clear:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I cannot even compare my future plan with God's plan because we are not on the same frequency. The great thing is that God has placed desires within me that I get to pursue and that is helping to determine what I will do with my life. God is fighting for me. He is not my enemy in the course of my life journey. He is my advocate and my helper. He wants me to succeed.
I am not God. I do not know the path of my future. What I do know is this: I am still Victoria Evangelynn Nay whether I am in a relationship or I am in single. My friendships can grow, and so can my relationship with Jesus. It seems like such a simple thing to remind myself of, but our minds have a way of forgetting the most basic truths.
I can trust in the goodness of God's way, even when I wish for my own way. It's okay to question what is going on, so long as you continue to trust in God. A relationship should not be an end to all things but rather another good thing that God can put in my path of growing closer to Him.
God has given me so many wonderful people to befriend and to love, and right now, I think He wants me to devote my love to them. Being alone does not equate to being lonely; I have amazing people who encourage and uplift me every day.
I still have a lot to work on when it comes to my heart; how can I expect to bring someone else into my relationship with Jesus when I am still struggling? Sure, I may never feel perfect enough for someone else, but the great thing is that Jesus' timing is perfect. I can trust that whatever and whoever He has planned for me will come at the right time.
But here's that cursed honesty again: I hope the right time comes soon. Just saying.