You know how it was always worse when your parents were disappointed rather than mad? Have you ever thought about why it’s worse? What exactly is the difference between those two words?

While both of these responses involve two people, the way the situation is perceived and processed makes the difference between how we react to it: with anger or with disappointment.

Anger is a highly externalized emotion because it has to do, largely, with the other person involved. When we are angry, it’s typically because someone has done something to us. An action or words have caused us embarrassment or pain, either emotional or physical.

Disappointment, however, is a much more personal experience. When we are disappointed, it’s because we had an image of someone in our heads, and they proved not to be that person.

For example, say a friend was to post an embarrassing picture of you online and your family or coworkers saw it. This situation can be viewed in two ways. You can be angry at the person for embarrassing you, or you can be disappointed that they posted the picture.

In the first situation, you are more concerned with your own image and externalizing your emotion to your friend so they can understand the pain that you are feeling. You’re more likely to keep that person in your life if you continue to be disappointed because you have chosen to cope with the situation through the other person.

In the second scenario, you’re relying on yourself to cope with the situation. You have internalized your emotions and have faced the reality that your “friend” may not truly be your friend after all. In this situation, you’re more likely to cut them out of your life by taking the situation and learning from it.

Why do some people react one way and not the other?

There are a few possible explanations. Some people just like the attention, even if it’s negative attention. In the previous situation, they would want to put on a show of anger, probably screaming, yelling, and dragging other people into their business. Some people don’t know how to let others out of their lives, and they are angry that they have to coexist with someone that wronged them.

The most interesting aspect of these two concepts is that anger has to do with directly hurting someone, but disappointment is the one we take the most personally. Why?

The truth is that anger can be forgiven, even though it shouldn’t always be. If someone is angry at you, it probably isn’t the end of your relationship or their view of you. Things can be fixed.

Disappointment is indicative of their perception of you being forever changed. This will more than likely alter the relationship to a lesser or nonexistent variation of what it once was.

None of us want to be left behind or forgotten, even if we deserve to be. It’s heartbreaking to realize that someone looked up to you and you let them down. But the truth is when dealing with a situation, sometimes it’s best to take some time to think about how to perceive the situation.

Sometimes, it’s better to choose disappointment rather than anger for your own sake of mind.