A Normal Article
Start writing a post

This is a completely normal article. There is nothing abnormal about it. No buttholes. No Illuminati. No easy steps to overthrow the government. No damn cats riding unicorns. Just a normal article written by a normal person who just so happens to be heavily sedated.

This will not be a rant about the manufactured sentiment Odyssey pumps out. This will not be a discussion on the authors who monologue for 500 words and then expect to be rewarded for basic human sentiment. This is not about the downfall of journalistic integrity. This is a normal article.

I am not being held hostage. I repeat. Odyssey is not holding me hostage. Odyssey is my friend. We are best friends. Yes, sir. They would never force me to write a normal article. I am doing this of my own will. I am heavily sedated by my own will. Yes, sir.

There are no abnormal things inside of my head. I am not conforming. I am simply a normal man writing a normal article in a normal setting with a normal volume of sedatives coursing through his veins. I am completely normal. This is one normal article for the several normal people out there. Normal people are wholesome people. They do not appreciate talk of overthrowing the government. They do not appreciate the Illuminati. They do not appreciate the cat riding the unicorn while firing an Uzi into the air. They do not appreciate talk of BUTTHOLE BUTTHOLE BUTTHOLE BUTTHOLE BUTTHOLE. Sorry. That was an unfortunate slip-up. I sincerely apologize to my normal readers.

My normal readers want a normal article. Normal writing from a normal author. No abnormality here. What a wonderful sentiment. I deserve to be rewarded for my hard work. My normal readers should share this article with other like-minded normal readers like grandparents and morticians. I will give you a moment to do that. Still waiting. There you go.

Hello, Grandma. I hope you are enjoying this completely normal article that your grandson and/or granddaughter sent you. I hope you appreciate that there is no talk of overthrowing governments or buttholes. I hope you appreciate that I am completely normally sedated enough to repress these urges to not write a normal article. Not normal is abnormal, and abnormal is wrong. What a naughty thing to be. I’m sure you wouldn’t want that. No, sir. You want to talk about wholesome things, like flowers and television and baseball games and buttholes and knitting and dish detergents and old movies and Christmas.

Have a wonderful, completely normal day. And remember, you silly kids. No overthrowing the government. Yet.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Everyone's been here. And, truthfully, it sucks. But in order to move on and get past something you need to allow yourself to feel it for what it is--all of the heartbreak and pain--and then you can start to take steps move on.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Christmas season is coming to an end, but it's not too late to get some last-minute movies in! Unfortunately, this year didn't look like a typical Christmas. While we can't have any big Christmas parties or family gatherings, we can still celebrate at home! Christmas is the best time for nostalgia, and we could all use some warm and fuzzy feelings as we wrap up a tough year and enter a new one that hasn't been proven any calmer, either.

As a kid who grew up in the 2000s, I can think of some of my favorite staple Christmas movies. If you're looking for recommendations or just a walk down memory lane, check out the list below.

Keep Reading... Show less

As we enter the new year, you might be looking for a great show to kick-off 2021. Look no further, I have the perfect recommendation. "The Wilds" was released on Amazon Prime last month and has been gaining traction steadily since then. This series of 10 one-hour episodes tells the stories of eight girls who find themselves on a deserted island after their plane crashed while they are on their way to a resort. Unlike other survival shows, there's a bit more to the story than what first meets the eye. This show is unique in characters, storytelling methods, and plot.

If you aren't convinced yet, allow me to provide you with a list of further persuasion.

Keep Reading... Show less

10 Things TikTok Made Me Buy, And Now My Life Is So Much Better

Where would I be without my Revlon hair dryer or CeraVe skin products?! Thanks, TikTok.


TikTok is a great way to see what products are trending. People are sharing tips and tricks about items that they use to make their life happier, healthier, or just easier.

Keep Reading... Show less

Online classes and virtual reality in general have been the staple of 2020. One day in March, everything shut down and we all had to learn how to work, teach, study, do therapy, and take classes remotely without much preparation. So, it's been a roller-coaster experience, and definitely not what we expected.

Keep Reading... Show less

11 TV Characters Who Are Irritating BEYOND Belief

Maybe they never really did anything seriously wrong, but oh my god they are annoying af.


Have you ever been watching your favorite show, all comfortable and relaxed, and then that one character that you just can't stand pops up on the screen and ruins your mood? I know I certainly have. These characters aren't necessarily evil or horrible people, but they do have personalities that make them incredibly irritating. They're the kind of characters that make you want to yell at the writer, "what the hell were you thinking with this one?" Perhaps they have never hurt a fly, but it doesn't matter since their character just straight-up sucks.

By the way, some of my arguments contain spoilers, so fair warning.

Keep Reading... Show less

20 Songs You Should REALLY Add To Your Winter Playlist

Watch the snow gently falling out your window and put these songs on to get in the winter mood.


For the majority of these songs, I can't really explain why, but they remind me of winter. Maybe it's their slow pace, their magical synth sounds, or their melancholy lyrics, but all of these songs give me winter vibes. If you're looking to add some songs to your winter playlist, give these ones a listen.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments