Recently, I was told by two separate people that I should dress more conservatively. One was an older man, a stranger I pass every day to go upstairs, to the office to work. The other was a close family member. The gentleman reminded me that there was a man in the area who was sexually assaulting women on the sidewalks near our office buildings. He told me to dress more modestly to protect myself from notice. The other, a family member, tried confiscating a pair of distressed denim shorts from my laundry. I was told they were offensive and I was waiting to get raped wearing them.
For 18 years, my parents bought my clothing or had to give me permission of what I could or could not wear. Nine of those years were spent were a Catholic grade school uniform with the occasional, 'dress down day' of jeans and a Hollister tee. In high school, I grew into my own fashion sense which begun arguments with mother regarding shopping for school dances and summer outfits. As a 21-year-old woman in her senior year of studying fashion at college, I buy all my own clothes and have established my aesthetic. I believe I dress appropriately for my personal style. I am average height and skinny. I don't have much cleavage to bear but do have long stick legs with a not half bad behind.
For those who may not be aware of what I wear to work, I work alone most days in a hot office. I often wear running shorts with a t-shirt and gym shoes. The only person who may see me for more than 20 seconds, is the mail man Jerry. On any normal day, I prefer sundresses, shorts and cute tanks and off the shoulder tops. Like many girls my age, I stay attuned with fashion trends and like to be current with my clothing. That includes distressed jeans and shorts, low cut tops in the front or back, shape fitting wear and tops that accentuate my boney collar bone.
If you have noticed so far, I have only written about myself. I have not written about any men that I choose to dress for or attract. I dress for myself. I choose what I feel and look the best in, to my opinion. Even when I go out with friends or a date, I dress for what I feel confident in.That very well may be considered fashionable, cute or sexy.
For all the women and men who were sexually assaulted or raped, do you think they started their days or nights, selecting an outfit that would ultimately be a reminder of the terror they endured? Does anyone wish to be raped? No. Nobody chooses their fate of sexual assault with the unbuttoning of a shirt or the length of a skirt.
Stop telling victims that 'They asked for it, by what they were wearing'. If any man or woman can sexually assault another person, I doubt the clothing the victim wore was the switch that made the rapist do it. We sexualize everything from children to perfume to shoes.Some women have larger breasts or great butts. Some men have abs or great butts too. And some people don't dress to flatter any part of their body. Yet rapists have attacked women and men regardless of what was on their bodies.
We have the basic human right to dress how we see fit. There will always be those who dress like they wear a sack of potatoes and those who dress like they are always at the beach. No matter what people choose to wear, it is none of our business because that is what they chose. Though there may be the threat of catcalling, staring or the sad reality of sexual assault, it is no one's fault except the rapists and those who shame the victims.
If all it took to stop rapists was to dress conservatively, don't you think we would have figured that out by now?
