Finals week is almost over for many colleges across the United States. Students are packing up their leftover Hot Pockets, comforters, and dirty laundry, and moving out of the dorms. Many students are heading back home to stay with their parents over the summer, although a lot of students have apartments or other residences they stay at. For many of the freshman students who do go home, this will be their first time back under their parent’s roof since they came to college. This can turn out harder than anticipated.

For me, the first time I went home for the summer after a year of college was incredibly frustrating. While I was happy to be home with my family, both me and my parents had to struggle with the level of individuality and self-sufficiency I had gained while at college. My parents were very accepting of my autonomy, but there were still times when we had to reevaluate how we communicated with each other. For example, at college I had been used to going anywhere without telling anyone, or without having to tell anyone. If I wanted to walk to Walmart, I could walk to Walmart without so much as a word to anyone else. If I had decided I wanted to go to Massachusetts for the weekend, I may have texted my parents to make sure they knew where I was, not so much to ask for permission. This shift of power changed drastically when I returned home. At first, I found myself feeling trapped by being around my family constantly. While I love them a lot, I had been used having a level of isolation and autonomy. Functioning within a family unit again after being by myself was difficult. Trying to figure out my own level of adulthood was also quite confusing. While I was (and am) technically an adult, the line blurred when I was back home, causing me to question what I had the power to do, and what I had to rely on my parents for. For many people, including myself, this can be stressful to try and work out.

My advice for any college students coming home for the first time after being away is to communicate. Sometimes it is hard to communicate with your family, especially if you are not very close to them, but in the long run, it will help both you and your family figure out how to adjust. It is important to remember that your parents are most likely struggling with your autonomy as well, trying to figure out how their role as parents shifted while you were away. Remember to take it slow and talk it out, and go on a lot of walks/car rides by yourself. Getting away from the house after the first week your home can be incredibly helpful in relaxing you, and giving you some perspective.

Moving home after college can be difficult for both the students and the parents, but with communication and patience, a middle ground can be found. And hey, you can look forwards to being able to shower without flip-flops again!