Does this situation sound familiar? Person A meets Person B and they become friends, but Person A wants to have a romantic relationship. Person B doesn't see them this way, but Person A is adamant about a chance to prove themselves as relationship material. Person B stands their ground, and politely, yet firmly tells them they are only seen as a friend, but Person A is upset they didn't get their chance, and berates Person B for their decision.
Alternatively, Person B expresses reluctance to Person A, but decides to give them a chance anyway. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Person B doesn't believe the date went well and tells Person A again that they only want to be friends. The other party, in turn, claims they were led on and wishes they were told sooner. A lose/lose situation, right?
There are times in a person's life where someone will be interested in them, but the feelings aren't mutual. Sure, you can layer on the charm and try to shoot your shot, but you need to know when to walk away. It doesn't matter what reason they give you to turn you down; accept it.
It's one thing to start dating someone and discover it's not going to work out (singular discovery or mutual), but it's another to persuade something to happen, or complain about the lack thereof, if the other person isn't willing to go through the trial run and see if it works.
Similar notions have been used in the film industry as well. There will be the dorky protagonist who has liked their crush for so long, yet the crush is dating the confident rebel type and its implied the audience is supposed to feel bad for our hero. This is where the "nice guys finish last" ideology comes into play.
"Why are they even with [insert confident rebel type name here]? They only care about themselves when I would be a much better partner for [insert crush's name here]." You're not a part of their relationship, so how do you know what's going on between them? As long as it's healthy and consensual, then let them be happy together.
I recently read an article that expressed the opinion it's better to date a "nice guy" like a person's best friend who cares and knows them better than others, thus making them the ideal dating candidate. Here's the thing: there are a lot of people who claim to be nice, but become a totally different person when they're rejected in their romantic endeavors while still insisting upon their good intentions. If that person is truly your friend, they'll respect your feelings if you don't return theirs.
Let's say this friend pressures you to give them a chance even if you're confident in the fact that you don't like them in that way. You go on a few dates and there's still nothing, but the friend still wants to prove themselves. When are you free of this obligation? We often call these mutual feelings "sparks." If it's not there, then it's not there.
Some people may feel inclined to date someone they have no interest in because they fear for their safety in the extreme cases (of which are still unbelievably frequent in the 21st century for crying out loud). There have been so many news reports of, statistically women, being injured or even KILLED because their "best friend" felt entitled to receiving her affection. How are you supposed to know who will graciously accept being turned down and who will become completely irrational? You may say I have nothing to lose in giving someone a chance, but God forbid I lose my life as a result of their disappointment.
I've been on both sides of rejection in my love life. It sucks for sure when it happens to you, but I don't want to be with someone if they don't return my feelings. Alternatively, I know it might hurt to hear that they are only seen one way, but I want them to be with someone who feels equally attracted to them. It's not fair to either party to be stuck in a one-sided relationship, so why try to force something that isn't going to work?
Lastly, love can exist outside of friendships that have already been established. For example, online dating is built around the entire premise of going from strangers to romantic partners while becoming friends along the way. Just because you're already close with someone as friends doesn't automatically mean you'll be compatible as partners.
Your love interest isn't obligated to give you a chance no matter what personal obstacle you overcame to ask them out. Believe me, I know it's a hard thing to do, and you should definitely be proud of yourself for facing a possible fear of yours, but the other person is not your reward for this. They are an independent living being who has their own set of wants and emotions that will not always line up with yours. It takes two to tango in a relationship; if the other person isn't interested, then understand when it's time to move on and find a new dance partner.
