At this point of my life, I'm no longer interested in making new best friends. And yes, I do realize how savagely rude that sounds. Here's a little timeline of how and why I reached this decision:
PRE-K – 8TH GRADE
Since preschool we’re strongly encouraged to make friends. We’re essentially programmed into friend-making machines at the ripe age of 6. We're told social development is essential at a young age and if you don't want your kid to be weird, you teach them to make friends. So that's exactly what we do.
As a result, young kids are taught to be nice, share their toys, and to avoid making anyone on the playground cry - no matter how appealing it may seem. Sure our parents cared about the horrendous artwork we painted with our magic markers for art class, but let's be real...they were really just trying to make sure those birthday party invitations kept coming in the mail.
In other words, making friends was very important.
HIGH SCHOOL- COLLEGE
By the time we reach high school, most of us have already had a few close friends since elementary school. Speaking on my own behalf, as I was leaving 8th grade, I had far too many "very, very close" best friends.
At this point, the people in your inner circle essentially "know you," but it's not until you make it through high school and start becoming a hormonal piece of trash that you really know who's there to stay.
This is all part of the ride, and making friends is still very much on the forefront of everyone's mind.
Nearing your high school graduation, you feel like a big money baller because you probably have a solid crew together by now. You've narrowed down the group to maybe 15 promising individuals. You’ve all gotten drunk together, made a few fun mistakes and memories, maybe even cried a few times, and many more clichés of that nature. You sincerely believe you’re going to be best friends forever because the bond you've created simply CANNOT be broken…how could it? You've been through “so much” together.
Even still, the desire to expand is alive and well immediately after high school because college is coming. You continue to crave the party invites, the introductions to people from new schools, and the oh-so satisfying feeling of being known by many. Some of us even join sororities and pay a fee in exchange for new friends (just kidding - I had to).
Yet, even your sorority can't shield you from the reality that most of these people will fade away, and only a very select few will remain.
COLLEGE AND BEYOND
As I’ve now graduated from college, started law school and watched as my best friends have moved away to pursue their career and life goals, I can’t help but laugh at the way it used to be. I no longer speak to 75% of the people I put so much time and energy into and sincerely thought were very close friends.
One thing I am very certain of is this: I cannot live without my (very small) group of best friends who I can turn to no matter what, with anything I need, at whatever time I need it.
The number of people in your life willing to sacrifice for you in that way is very small; even smaller is the number of people you meet at this stage of adulthood who’d be willing to sacrifice for you at all.
Our twenties are a time for growth. Career growth, educational growth, intellectual growth, and all of that good stuff. All I'm trying to say is that for me, my twenties are not a time for too much friendship growth.
Now is the time for temporary relationships, meeting someone and having them impact your life in a very small way, and then watching them leave as quickly as they entered. These people are those school friends and coworkers who know your day-to-day life - but not much about what happens at home. These people are the acquaintances who owe you nothing and vice versa. This is what I'm choosing to put my energy into.
I'm aware that there are always remarkable connections in life that naturally transform into amazing friendships, but the moral of the story is: I’m no longer the friend-making machine I was in preschool.
I’m too busy, tired, self-absorbed and sensitive to put in the time and effort it requires to make a new best friend. Also, spreading yourself too thin is not a good look on anyone, and let's be real…I’m always trying to look good.
