It Hurt That The One Thing I Thought I Was Passionate About Didn't Love Me Back

Spring of 2017 was going to be my semester, the moment my high GPA and above average HESI scores would land me a spot in GCU's nursing program.

Little did I know that my 'plan' I had all laid out in my mind would lead me down the most unpredictable path. A path that would lead me according to God's greater plan He had in store for me full of twists and turns and unforeseen events.

After I sent in my application for the program that semester I soon received a letter informing me that I had not been accepted into the program.

I was shattered and confused. People I knew with lower HESI scores and GPAs had gotten accepted but I hadn't...It didn't make any sense to me.

But as I sat there looking at this rejection letter I had a strange sense of relief, a moment I could actually be still and just breath. I was able to slow down and realize the career of nursing wasn't something I was as passionate about as I thought I would be, that I really wasn't doing it for myself but to please others.

I truly believe this was God's hand at work. Him interfering out of love and guidance with the much needed halting stop I deep down was crying out for but didn't have the strength to do on my own.

As I reassessed and prayed about the direction He was calling me towards I ended up in a major I truly have fallen in love with and have such a passion for: exercise science and health education. This past year in my new major I have experienced a thrill and joy that I never once experienced in my prior nursing classes. For once I felt at peace and felt comfort in the trust of God and His leading, despite knowing where His path may lead.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."-Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6

Fast forward to just last week...I just completed the spring semester of my junior year and as I was about to close up my laptop for the summer I received an email that completely took me back.

The header stated: "Important information for nursing students" followed by the first sentence stating "Congratulations on your acceptance into the nursing program for this summer..."

I sat in disbelief and called my student advisor who failed to answer nor reply to an email. I then proceeded for quite some time trying to get answers and was finally informed by an admissions rep that I had been accepted and the email had been delayed by a year.

A YEAR!

I was filled with anger, frustration, sadness, excitement, and a sense of pride all at once. Wow! I had actually been accepted!

I was good enough and with this, the reconsideration began.

Was I going to trust myself and what others wanted me to do with my education or was I going to continue to trust God and the clarity and confidence I felt deep down within me saying to stay and the Lord's small voice saying 'keep trusting and following Me"?

Those 24 hours of uncertainty and confusion were some of the most stressful and overwhelming moments I had experienced this year. I went to bed weighing out the pros and cons, how I would make up for all the 'lost' time, how I would do this or that.

But as I woke the next morning I knew it wasn't and isn't on me to go about 'fixing this' or how I was going to get myself through the confusion and situation at hand, this was and is all in Gods hands and the matter of listening and trusting what He has in store.

My decision was made, I was going to continue in my current major. And this decision was only confirmed when just a few hours later I received an email back from the student advisor who informed me that the email wasn't supposed to be sent to me, that it was a mistake and once again, I heard the words of rejection that again, I hadn't been accepted.

I'm not going to lie it hurt all over again, it stung as I read those words of rejection once again.

But I know that the path I'm on is where God is pointing me towards right now and through the uncertainty of where it'll lead or how I'll make it, or the thoughts of those trying to 'redirect me' in a way they want, I know and have confidence in His plans.

Even though I was rejected and not accepted by the school's program I am overwhelmed by the truth and love the Lord covers me with. To Him I'm worth it and I'm accepted by Him and at the end of it all, that's all that matters.

"For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught."-Proverbs 3:26

"Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life– gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring" -Oswald Chambers