With the Thanksgiving holiday coming up, I cringe thinking of the inevitable awkward family dinner conversations, which almost always include the dreaded question of “Is there someone special in your life?” I always thought it was just my crazy family sticking their nose into my business, but the more I talk with my friends, it seems to be a common topic of conversation at a lot of family gatherings. It’s difficult to respond to this question because I know their next response. It’s usually a combination of the pity smile and “Just be patient. You’ll find someone.”
In a way they’re right. I do have to be patient. The culture of relationships on campus isn’t conducive to what I’m looking for. I don’t want to hook up with someone in hopes of the off chance that they’ll eventually like me. That rarely happens.
Choosing to be single is not giving in to the campus “hook up” culture. To be honest, I’d rather be single than be in a relationship. Sure, some nights it might be nice to cuddle or enjoy a nice dinner with the guy I love… but then, I remember all of the perks to being single:
1. When I was in relationships, I was like Julia Roberts’s character in "Runaway Bride." Her likes and interests transform and blend into her boyfriends’ personalities. In the scene when Richard Gere asks her how she likes her eggs she says “Whatever you’re having.” She doesn’t know what she likes because she lets the man in her life decide for her. She loses sight of herself.
More often than I’d like to admit, I’ve been that girl. Pretending to like his favorite sports, bands, styles, etc. I wasn’t being me. Being single lets me figure out what I like.
2. The single life also gives me time to focus on my education. I can’t imagine being in a relationship juggling school, friends, and a boyfriend. As it is, I barely have time to finish all of my school work.
Not only do relationships take time from looking for jobs and internships, they influence where people choose to go. I know that if I had a boyfriend, it would be ideal to live in the same place as him. It’s hard enough finding a job without adding that to one’s list. As a single woman, nothing is holding me back from going wherever life takes me. Once I figure that out, then I’ll be in a better place to meet the right guy and commit.
3. As my favorite "Sex and the City" quote says, “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”
College is the time for goofing off with your friends, being spontaneous, and making lifelong friendships. Many people in relationships choose to spend more time with their significant others than their friends. They miss out on memories that could be shared with the people that you can call in ten years to reminisce about the glory years. The young women I have grown closest to during my time at Wake have challenged me to grow into a better version of myself. Whether we stay in on a Saturday night drinking wine or hit up the bars on a random week night, my girls and I always seem to make the most of every situation. We laugh and cry together, and the memories we have made together are irreplaceable. I am not sure I would have made those same connections had I committed my time to maintaining a relationship.
So, in response to this year’s family’s question, “Yes, I’m single, but I am single because I choose to be. I value my independence, and haven’t found the right guy who respects that. When I do, you’ll know, but for now, CHEERS TO ALL MY SINGLE LADIES OUT THERE!”
