My eyes are shutting and my stomach can't take more coffee. "What is it again? Which Law is it? Slope, deflection and.... crap, is it 3am already?"
My alarm goes off and I head over to class--no need to dress up I slept in my clothes. Take the test and leave with doubts about one or two numbers. Head over to my next class, and pretend to pay attention to what my teachers saying, "I know you are tired of this too, do you really think just solving problems in front of my face is gonna teach me anything!?" Of course not, I'm supposed to put in 3 hours of studying for every hour in class, learning everything that I couldn't learn during class, in other words, everything.
No need to get angry, we are all just doing our duty, so I'll just sit here and ignore your questions as you freak out and end up answering them yourself. "Out of all the people in this class, is hard to tell who are the ones that actually know what they are talking about, isn't that weird?" Why should I pay attention to anyone when the only thing that matters is the score I get at the end of every chapter, section, month or whatever period of time seems fitting. Voices in my head keep repeating "Get that degree, get a masters, separate yourself from the rest, it'll pay off", I bet everyone in this class is told the same so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be different. I don't think the monotony ever ends, I just think we get used to it and forget.
"So what am I doing again? Right... Well, there goes another night, All I want is to be done with this and get a job". I never thought I would hear myself saying that.
"When did I start getting bored of this?" I can still remember the physics and chemistry classes that blew my mind while I was in high school. My old teachers have no idea how much I wished they were still making my life a living hell, I remember those test when a C was considered a huge accomplishment and a B was just a slap in the face, A's where this ephemerous rumor we all heard about but no one believed could exist, unless you were that one guy, "there's always that freaking guy".
I made high shool hard on myself, with a lot of help from my teachers of course. I was anxious to learn and took on tests as challenges, I wasn't scared of failing that's why I learned and didn't memorize the material to then forget it after the test.
Now I'm in College and actually every other semester I'm blessed with a great teacher who I actually learned something from and a bunch of other classes with a guy in front of the whiteboard drawing lines. I can see how it takes a toll on them, even the good ones, I mean I wouldn't want to be teaching a bunch of scared little kids just worried about their GPAs instead of the material, wanting to pass and not learned, thinking an "A" is all that matters, but however sad might be, I guess it does.
"Who's fault is it, though?" How could I possibly blame the students, taking loans and scholarships that demand nothing but results, and numbers from them. They are treated like stats so they treat classes the same way, and how could I blame the teachers when they are evaluated the same way. Coming to school is not an experience anymore, it's not a challenge anymore, it's just a pain, a long lasting expensive pain.
I applaud the ones that find joy in it though, I'm filled with hope when I look at people that found their passion through the same classes I struggle with. It's different for everybody--although cliché that might be. College might not be for everyone, but is a pretty good way of finding who you are and what you are made off.
It's being a while since I took a chance on a test and went with it, instead of remembering the problem that I worked out the day before because I was told it was on an old test. I don't know if that is something I should be worried about but I sure am, so if you are like me, "good luck" cause up next is Nine to Five.
