I am the center of a furious and brilliant storm. I am the interface – the linkage – between serenity and turbulence. My life is a series of trials, and I am the Queen of Perspective. My mission is live and forever evolving: I am here to craft my own environment.
My home and life were violated in autumn of 2014. Two filmmakers who had been renting our guesthouse built a deceptive working relationship with my mom and me, stealing our identities and other tangible items. They left as quickly as they came, uprooting and infuriating me, but inevitably changing my perspective.
The thieves left pieces of themselves I didn’t choose to occupy my life or mind. I had no desire to touch the brand new camera they neglected to pack as they fled our house. I couldn’t have cared less or even known what “Nikon D3200” meant. I adamantly hated how it conjured memories of the thieves. Camouflaged with pillows, books and rock climbing gear, the Nikon stubbornly remained as I tried to bury it and the memory that singed my ability to trust.
Faint whimpers emanated from the pile of junk. I began to sense the camera’s presence and consider its feelings of abandonment; however, it was still a ferocious beast in my eyes. Deciding to conquer this embodiment of evil – to learn its ways so my disdain didn’t control me – I unearthed the monster. Initial encounters were hostile. A few weeks later, though, a transition occurred. The camera and I merged. I came away unscathed after tinkering with it; I was taming the beast, and it was taming me.
I came to realize that my need for the Nikon was secondary to a much greater phenomenon: our relationship was reciprocal. I cared for it, and it led me into its world – one that wasn’t mine until I captured the silent, mysterious possibilities through its small viewfinder. As my camera pried my eyes wide open, I began framing through a new vision, acknowledging my new found forgiveness and connection to the ecosystem within and around me. I gained access to a new portal.
Forgiveness allowed me to see myself not as a victim to atrocity, but as a compassionate individual capable of growth. I flex and bend my resilient spirit to overcome trauma and intake opportunity and meaning. My life is my education, and as I absorb lessons, I practice the art of constantly shifting perspective. The dichotomy between physical and spiritual experience has taught me that life is fragile, extraordinary and temporary, yet I am wholly in control of my outlook. Sailing through time, experiencing the utter magnificence and outstanding nuances of being a human, I marvel at the beauty captured in moments.
We explore the dimly lit, disintegrating, abandoned train station. In it, we capture the sunset, when the shattered patchwork of green and blue windows projects itself onto the now-crumbling floor of wooden bricks. We venture into the depths of the Sandia Mountains, holding our breaths as I screw on a macro lens to shoot lizards and birds against lichen-spattered rocks or gnarled tree branches. We roll on our bellies in undulating fields of long grass and wildflowers, photographing the splashing water and gurgling laughs of children playing in the Jemez hot springs. In our exploration towards new perspectives, my anger subsides, and my fear becomes my mentor.
It’s as if I’m continuously cradling my majestic camera, for I now look at my world through a new viewfinder – one that embodies imagination, enthusiasm, awareness, and compassion. Today, my eyes, body, and mind are aligned with the Nikon, leading me from my sense of security into a realm of exploration, discovery and connection with the world. From the forgotten detritus of thieves, unexpectedly and exhilaratingly, I have realized that I now observe through my new lens: a new means of literally and figuratively changing perspective.
