Going out Thursday, Friday or Saturday night in college is a process. Spongebob Squarepants is here to guide you through his/your typical night out.
1. Deciding whether or not to actually go out
Sometimes you just want a night in. Spongebob has a lot of homework for boating school due next week and you have a paper due in your History class.
Spongebob comes in all dressed up and tries to convince Squidward to come out with him. "You're the worst big ever if you don't go out," Spongebob teases Squidward. "You have all day tomorrow to do your work. I promise we won't stay out long!" your friend begs. Inundated with lacerating comments, you and Squidward finally cave.
3. Deciding where to go
If it's a Friday night, there are lodges. For those attending other colleges not blessed with the so-called lodge, a lodge is basically a frat house with a floor covered in beer and sludge up to your ankles and the lovely stench of sweaty humans and alcohol. Fun! There's not shortage of assorted nocturnal hangouts and tonight the themes are American, risky business, and 80's. Spongebob calls all of his friends in Bikini Bottom while you call all your friends on campus to make sure they're going to the same party.
4. Outfit choice
An outfit choice for going out is often the hardest part. Going to a club requires a completely different get-up than going to a themed lodge. Spongebob digs through his costume box to find the perfect leggings. Then he runs next door to Patrick's house because he always has the crop top Spongebob needs. Donning fanny packs, tutus, and lodge shoes (beer stained, white, low-top Converse), and you're both ready to party.
Often more fun than the actual party, Spongebob and Patrick sometimes don't even make it to the party.
6. Making it to the lodge
Whether you break dance, cartwheel, sashay, stumble, gallop or run, you arrive. Poor Patrick fell on the pavement and scraped a knee, but don't worry, Spongebob is EMT certified.
You and your friends venture to stand on and dance on any and all elevated surfaces you find, one-upping and out-crazying each other. Spongebob and Patrick are much better dancers in their minds than in reality.
8. Attempting to leave
"I'm ready to go whenever you are!" basically means, "ok I really really want to leave." Spongebob just has to convince Patrick to leave the person he's been flirting with all night and come back with him. Everyone's starting to look more attractive to Patrick as the night wears on.
9. Actually leaving
Finally you rally up all the troops and you're ready to make the walk, run, crawl back to the dorms.
If you aren't hungry after a night out, you didn't actually go out. Spongebob and all college party-goers worship pizza after a long night out. Spongebob paid last week so he makes Patrick order and pay this time.
The food arriving is the peak of your night.
12. Finding your way to bed
Getting your makeup off, teeth brushed, and pajamas on sometimes just doesn't happen, and that's OK. Spongebob often finds himself just sleeping in his underwear after a night out. If a miracle happens, you'll wake up the next day having showered the night before.
A successful night in Bikini Bottom (or rock bottom).