It’s currently midnight on June 3, 2017 when I am writing this. I’m getting married in fourteen and a half hours. I have spent the last six and a half years with the man I love and I could not be more happy to marry him.
I thought at my rehearsal tonight, that I would feel so many emotions or sob through the practice vows. I didn’t. In fact, I was so giggly I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was told by my friends that my fiancé and I seemed happier and more alive than anyone had ever seen us! That made me even more giddy.
It’s funny how I have been planning around my SOBBING through the whole wedding for three and a half years of engagement, yet I don’t know if I will cry. I just don’t think it’s going to happen. I feel so at peace and numb to overwhelming feelings. It’s shocking! I cry at EVERYTHING and believe me when I say that I did still cry.
I cried when my mom made sure my birth mom was included in being the first to rise when my dad and I walk down the isle. I cried decorating the reception earlier in the day out of frustration and exhaustion. My biological brother and sister both have made me cry by just being themselves because they make me happy in a way this only child never knew she could be happy.
All of the drama of the past month, getting everything together and crafted, seems like it happened years ago. My frustrations with family, friends, the world don’t matter to me. I am going to bed with this empty kind of fullness: free from anger, nerves, worry, sadness but full of love.
My advise to any bride-to-be is to get out the thoughts, feelings, and concerns the days leading up to the wedding. It’s better to have the argument, tough conversation, annoying questions, and let go of any other thing on your mind than go into your wedding day loaded with that weight.
I wish I could go back and tell myself that I should be in the moment more. I have been in the moment all day today and I plan to be tomorrow. I think it is hilarious when I tell people I’m not doing most (if any) formalities. They always make a comment about me being sure, then saying that I’m so awesome and easy to get along with. I plan on walking around the church in my big ol’ wedding dress before the wedding, take pictures beforehand, go without a veil (they creep me out to wear), and I refuse to not see my soon-to-be husband before the wedding service.
Am I upsetting some people, honestly, not really. Many people were upset when I told them three years ago, but then figured me out really quickly. I’m particular about the details, but very laid back about the big picture. If you take one thing away from this article, I hope you embrace the moments that are flying by so quickly. Feel the moment and thank God for a spouse that is going to travel by your side for the rest of your life!
