I have been lucky to live in an areas surrounded by my culture. People that look like me. That speak the language I learned first. I have never had to go far to learn about where my parents where born. I am an American because I was born here. Yet my ties lie with a country I have yet to step foot on. I am Salvadorian because my parents where born there. But I am in the United States because my parents chose to create a better future for their children. So I live here and have had the privilege to grow and learn in this country while never straying far from the country my parents left.
But I do feel it when I leave my hometown. The stares are just a little longer. My voice becomes a little softer. I know what I can or can’t do as soon as I leave my hometown or the surrounded areas. I don’t do it because I want to. It’s a habit I think we all have picked up around people that tend to not appreciate anyone with darker skin tones. Those people tend to be white or white passing. Those people tend to be racist. There eyes say it. The way they speak when they welcome you into a store they don’t think you should be in says it.
I’m Hispanic. I had darker skin when I was younger but I am nowhere near white passing. But it must be nice to wake up knowing that the color of your skin protects you in ways no weapon ever can.
I know what its like to be looked at differently but only to a certain degree. I have never allowed it to hurt me because it has never been extreme. But I definitely don’t speak for everyone. This year has been destructive and painful:
I'm struggling to breathe
Find solace in the fact that the color of my skin is light enough to pass
As the fortunate
The ones that can walk outside and not be plagued by the watchful eyes of the spiteful
The racist souls that wait on bated breathe itching to remove the pistols from their holsters
I can pass
But if the sun hits me too long I'm in trouble
My skin no longer protects me
I am suffocated yet skinless
Open to be used and destroyed because I can be
...Because I can be
But what about those that can't change anything about themselves
My skin color negated
I stand with you
For you
Not because I should
I have to
I don't know your story
But I know the struggle
Racism is alive and thriving
Murder in our neighborhood and protests in streets
Silence is no longer an option
If you don't stand up stay down and be quiet
Listen to the outcry of the oppressed
Hear them roar with visceral anger
I'm struggling to breathe
But my lungs are expanding with the air of enough is enough
Because it is
It has to be
I wrote that on July 7th 2016 at 2:18 in the morning. Philando Castile being murder, after Alton Sterling earlier in the week, inspired that piece. People need to come together to create change. Those that don’t think this affects them need to help or become informed. Staying quiet means you believe what is happening is normal. Innocent lives have been lost and all that is left is anger. Something needs to change. It has to.
