We all know that guy who complains about how girls don't want to date him because he's "too nice" and who will tell any girl within earshot about how he's "such a nice guy."

Unfortunately, many of us know more than just one guy that fits the description. Is there truth to the claim that girls only date guys who treat them like dirt?

I want to preface this article with a bit of a disclaimer. I am a straight male and my romantic experience is exclusively heterosexual. My perspective on this aspect of dating has come from my experiences as a guy dating girls and from hearing stories from girls' perspectives.

Because my experiences are entirely about the nature of heterosexual dating, I invite anyone with a broader experience than my own to take this discussion further in the comments. With that being said, let's continue talking about "the Nice Guy."

If you believe that girls don't want to date a guy who treats them with respect, I think that's a little absurd. Because it goes against common sense, I think that idea might come from a flawed premise. The Nice Guy likely starts with the premise that he himself treats women with respect and is, in fact, a nice guy.

Regardless of how his actions come across, he believes that he is nice and respects women even if his actions do not reflect this. When he is subsequently shot down or "friend-zoned" (about which I could write another article entirely) he believes that because he respected the girl and was nice to her, her unwillingness to pursue a further relationship must be because his approach was off; the Nice Guy concludes that being nice and respecting women does not go over with the fairer sex. I think we should take a closer look at what happened here, though.

The Nice Guy has approached a girl he wants to pursue some kind of relationship with. She turns him down and he bemoans that he must have been "too nice" or "respected her too much."

What other reason would she have to turn him down? Now ask yourself, does that sound like a guy who respects women?

He has shown that he believes her feelings to be a product of his actions and not something independent of his influence. He has forgotten the fact that no one is obligated to feel a certain way towards anyone. If the girl doesn't have feelings for him, it does not respect her as a person to believe he should act a certain way to change her mind.

The Nice Guy has approached a girl he wants to pursue some kind of relationship with. In conversation, he tells her he is a nice guy. She turns him down for any particular reason (including simply not having an interest in him) and he is bitter because he feels she rejected him for being too nice. In fact, she likely turned him down because he is a Nice Guy.

Here is the point where I explain the distinction between a nice guy and a Nice Guy. If you're a nice guy, you probably do things that are nice for the sake of doing them. A nice guy might volunteer in the community, pick up litter, stuff like that. A nice guy might even just be a kind listener and show genuine human respect for others. A truly nice guy doesn't go around telling everyone what a great person he is, because he isn't trying to convince anyone.

A Nice Guy, on the other hand, feels the need to tell people what a great person he is. I believe that the reason Nice Guys always talk about how nice they are is that they recognize, on some level, that their behavior and actions are not those of a real nice guy. They recognize that the bitterness they project onto women makes them look bad and so Nice Guys feel the need to convince people they are nice through words and not their actions.

So the Nice Guy has been turned down by a girl who may have had any number of reasons for doing so. Whatever these reasons might be, the Nice Guy needs to learn to accept that her reasons are valid. Instead, many Nice Guys complain to anyone who will listen that the girl totally would have dated them if only he had done something differently. Despite claiming to be nice and claiming to respect women, the stereotypical Nice Guy has shown he does not respect women by undermining the autonomy of their desires and he has shown he is not as nice as he thinks by showing bitterness when he does not get the girl.

Is the Nice Guy correct, then, in concluding that the reason they are alone is that girls just don't like guys who respect women and are nice? Or is it more likely that girls absolutely value guys who respect them as individuals and do nice things, but Nice Guys don't have the qualities that they think they do?