A Nice Girl's Guide To Ending Toxic Friendships
Start writing a post
Relationships

A Nice Girl's Guide To Ending Toxic Friendships

How to skip the drama & save yourself.

33
A Nice Girl's Guide To Ending Toxic Friendships
Huff Post

I’ve always considered myself the trademark “nice girl." I’m sure you know the type of person I’m talking about, almost every school/friend group/family has one. She’s the girl who always gets you a gift for your birthday, the one who calls you immediately when you say you’re not feeling great, and the one who writes you letters, just because.

I never want people to dislike me, I never want people to have a problem with me, both things that are completely impossible. As Pam Beesley once said, “I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me they wouldn’t hate me.” This quote sums me up pretty well.

Because of this, I often find it difficult to cut people out of my life. I’m not talking about the people that just float in and out of your life, without any problems. No, I’m talking about the bad friends, the ex-boyfriends, etc. Recently, I’ve learned something that I always seem to forget. Being friends with someone who hasn’t been there for you for months, someone who only ever seems to make you unhappy, and someone who never reaches out first is not being nice.

Chronically nice people have a habit of always giving, always reaching out, and always caring for others. You have to take care of yourself before you take care of others. Don’t trick yourself into thinking you’re doing the right thing simply because you aren’t causing problems for others. You’re causing a problem for yourself by putting yourself through the stressful and draining process of being in a one-sided relationship.

All of these realizations led me to write this piece, tentatively titled: A Nice Girl’s Guide to Ending Toxic Friendships.

Some people will argue that ending a relationship simply induces too much drama. It can, but not if you do it the right way. First of all, if you need to unfollow, mute, or block that person on social media, go ahead. I find that even the mention of certain events or people will bring me down, which is why I often mute people on Twitter or Facebook, but not unfriend or unfollow them because that would lead to drama if they found out (it is typically easier to notice a loss of followers on Twitter and Facebook).

I have unfollowed people on Instagram, but it’s harder to notice among the sea of followers they have. Blocking is always a last resort for me, mainly because it’s pretty easy to find out if someone has blocked you on Twitter.

As for phone numbers? Delete them. If they aren’t in your contacts, you will probably be much less likely to text them. And if they text you? Don’t respond, unless you absolutely need to (ie: it’s an emergency situation). Typically, people will gradually stop texting someone who never texts them back.

Some people sit down and type out a long paragraph about why they’re ending a friendship, but to me, this just extends the miserable process. You’ve already given this person enough chances, and it’s clear that they are not understanding what you need from them, otherwise, they would have changed.

Skipping the long text also prevents further upsetting the person. Even though everyone always says they would rather have an explanation over just radio silence, the fact of the matter is ignorance is bliss.

However, do not burn the whole bridge. Do not sever the tie completely. Do not alienate them fully. You never know when you might run into this person again and the last thing you want is to have a screaming match in the grocery store.

On the more positive side of things, you never know. Maybe your ex-friend was going through a very dark period in their life and they simply acted out due to external events that weren’t your fault. Maybe there is still a friendship there, just not right now. I hope this helps, I hope it allows you to get on track to a better and happier life, and I hope that you continue to be the trademark “nice girl.”

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

58741
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

37882
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

959433
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

194890
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments