Coming back to school this fall felt like returning to a familiar home only to find a new family had moved in. Many of the people that had previously filled that home for me had moved out, leaving traces of themselves.

I had arrived at a good, healthy mentality toward the end of my summer. I could see clear progress, but as soon as I was planted back in my old environment of school I felt myself take a huge step back.

The dust of my memories got shaken, my memories resurfaced.

This was the first college school year I would have to face without him.

Having to mourn the loss of a person that is still alive is agonizing and feels both forced and passive.

Nostalgia is so hauntingly welcoming. It’s the relationship with the ghost of a person, a hologram of access to something to comfortable.

Everything seems so familiar, but just out of my reach.

I knew this school year would be different. And don’t get me wrong, I welcome change. I’m very happy with the progress I’ve made, and I know I can only attribute it to what I’ve been through.

I’ve come to understand that change is something that should not be resisted. It’s the inevitable flow of life. I know it will carry me, the current is strong.

I knew things would be different this school year, I just wasn’t sure how that would look.

And fall is the season of change, right?

I’m excited for the ways this year will be different - a new different.