So, I know it’s February and New Year’s Day was over a month ago but this week I want to talk about my “New Year’s Resolution.”

I chose to change my dietary habits from eating fast food all the time to actually making home-cooked meals and watching what I eat. Seems pretty common, right? Several people are trying to do that. So why not call it a new year’s resolution like everyone else?

Because I know myself. In the past 22 years, I have learned that if I try to make rules for myself, I tend to break my own rules just to be a rebellious little punk.

I’m talking about ranting about how I will never go sky diving but then bring out my wild side by going river tubing in a thunderstorm. (Side note, it never technically stormed while I was on the river, just before and after…never try this at home).

I’m rebellious against myself and I know it well. Therefore, when I want to stray far away from my sophomore year when I ate Chinese food for lunch and Cook-out for dinner (“It’s only five dollars per meal and it’s instant! That’s awesome!”), I knew I had to do it in a way where I would not rebel.

How did I do that?

I started out telling myself that eating out for meals is okay, just not abundantly. I can still enjoy my late-night Cook-out milkshake every now and then and get sesame chicken occasionally. I told myself that I can use my love of planning to plan out meals for the week and create a shopping list instead of waiting until I get hungry and going out somewhere to save time. I also downloaded an app that makes me put in everything I ate for each meal as well as snacks; this helps me focus on what I’m eating instead of binge eating half a package of Oreos in one sitting…

With this process so far, every week is different. I rebelled this week on the planning part; I’ve eaten fast food five times already. Last week I ate soup for every meal and was happy. Two weeks ago, I gave up trying to put every measurement of food item into my app. This week I downloaded a new app and started the progress over again.

I know myself, and if I tell myself that it’s a resolution and that I’m failing at this resolution, I will abandon it and go back to my old unhealthy ways.

I’m trying to make myself a better person, and I want to make this change a permanent thing. From experience, I’ve learned that permanent change needs to be gradual. If I don’t succeed for a couple of weeks, I remind myself that it is hard to change. If I do a good job for a couple of weeks, I congratulate myself on a job well done.

To me, it’s not a New Year’s Resolution; it’s a long-term revelation.