Well, we’re two weeks into the New Year, so by now most of us have given up on those goals we set. The first week, we might’ve really put our hearts into it, but by now we’ve stepped back and thought, “Why the hell am I doing this?” So to show you you’re not alone in absolutely failing at achieving your goals, here’s ten common New Year’s Resolutions and how progress is looking for most of us at this point.
1. Work out more.
It probably took about a week of going to the gym, or maybe even a day, before you realized that you’d much rather be doing something else (eating, sleeping, online shopping, etc.). Or if you’re anything like me, you didn’t get any further than paying for the membership which will probably be going to waste now, but at least I have that little tag on my keys so it LOOKS like I work out. Who am I kidding? No one would ever fall for that. I don’t have an inch of muscle on my body.
2. Save money.
I’m REALLY trying with this one, but WOW it’s hard. I haven’t eaten restaurant food, gone shopping, or bought makeup in two weeks. And I think I may be dying. Kudos to you if you’re able to stick with it. I’ll probably be digging into my savings for a pair of shoes within the next week or so.
3. Quit drinking.
I personally think I become the most fun after a few drinks, but it’s not always easy to stop there. Maybe you’ve had a few too many rough hangovers, engaged in some questionable behavior whilst intoxicated, or your alcohol purchases are taking a toll on your bank account. Whatever your reason, this isn’t a bad goal to have. Good luck keeping up with it.
4. Stop hooking up with strangers.
Hookups are great until you realize that your body count is growing rapidly seemingly out of your control. With every hook up you find yourself stuck in that what-am-I-doing-with-my-life post-sex trance for longer amounts of time. Maybe it’s time to cut back and spend a little more time at home, in bed with your dog/cat. The internet provides free porn for a reason.
5. Hook up with more strangers.
Because you tried number four last year and it didn’t work out so well. You’re going for more of a free-spirit kind of lifestyle. Why watch porn when you can go out and experience it, right? Your bed is way too comfy for you to want to go out though, so unless you have suitors lining up at your door waiting to bed you, you’ll pass.
6. Keep things clean.
It took me about a week to realize that staying up to clean my room every night after a long day of throwing clothes everywhere was cutting into my sleep. A clean room is way less important than a full night’s sleep. As a college student, I have to seize any opportunity for sleep I get my hands on. The room can wait until I graduate in spring. My car is still disgusting as always, since I practically live out of it, but its winter. Why the hell would I want to be running back and forth between my house and the car in below freezing weather? I can deal with those half-empty water bottles (blocks of bottle shaped ice) until spring as well.
7. Be more social.
Again, it’s winter. My bed is way too comfy for something like that.
8. Spend less time on social media.
The only way to stay social and stay in bed, but everyone says it’s bad for you. I’d much rather be scrolling four years deep into someone’s Instagram saying how pretty they are rather than actually spending time with them/telling them they are pretty. I’ll show my support for my friends through uplifting comments and flame emojis on their selfies. Don’t worry friends, I still love you. I just love my bed and Netflix more.
9. Improve your attitude.
Impossible. Life sucks.
For some people, the New Year is a symbol of change, which makes it easy to set new goals, but don’t think that it’s too late now and that you’ll have to wait until the start of next year. If you have something you’re striving for, don’t wait. Any time is a good time to set a goal. And for those of us who are still going to try to push those New Year’s Resolutions, keep at it. We’re only two weeks in.
