The going rate of people sticking to any new resolution is a joke.  That's why making them is so much fun- because everyone knows they aren't going to stick with them.

Let's be real. You're not going to cut back on drinking, workout more often, or eat better.  Chik-Fil-A may be the classiest drive-thru, but that doesn't equate to fat free food.  You may have had a magical summer of studying abroad, setting up your life for your career, beach bumming it... and when you get back that's all going to change.

The Five Fall Semester Resolutions you'll never keep:

1.  Working Out More Often: Gyms time their membership specials to perfection.  What better way to make money off of young hopefuls that will use the treadmill three times in the span of the semester (beginning, before GA/FL, and once after Thanksgiving break).

2.  Eating Better: You'll pack your lunch everyday for class, drink only water and stay away from the buffet dining halls...Call me when Tate Cafe lures you in.

3.  Saving Money: American Threads robs us all. Chipotle robs us all. Football season robs us all. Becoming friends with everyone in the bar and buying the whole place a round, robs. us. all. 

4.  Less/More Hook-Ups: Finding love in a hopeless place, AKA Bourbon.  

5.  Making the Dean's List: First, that would require you to take more than the minimum 12 hours. Secondly, that would necessitate more than one visit to the SLC before finals.  

Embrace the irresponsibility. This is the last time sleeping over in dorms could ever be acceptable.